


Be my angel

by xMagnusBaneX



Series: Tattooed and pierced Wonho [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Also the image of Wonho in many tattoos and piercings is everything, Alternate Universe - College/University, And they still rap together, Both are cute, But only implied, Changkyun has a crush on Wonho, Hidden Pasts, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Lim Changkyun | I.M & Lee Jooheon are Best Friends, M/M, Many first times I know, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, My first Wonkyun, My first time writing in english, Smut, Wonho has tattoos and piercings, Wonkyun is otp, also, dark secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:17:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xMagnusBaneX/pseuds/xMagnusBaneX
Summary: Changkyun's life was always on the plain and dull side. He wasn't good in social interaction and was awkward while meeting new people. If it wasn't for Jooheon, he would probably never find any friends. But Changkyun didn't really mind.He had hoped his life would change a little after getting into college - it didn't.The only thing that changed was, that he had a one-sided crush. On Shin Hoseok a.k.a Wonho. Popular senior known for his unique appearance - his tattoos and piercings surely the first thing you notice. He was rather cold. Didn't talk much. Had a mysterious aura surrounding him. And was only seen in his usual group of friends.Changkyun liked watching him from a safe distance. He didn't want to bother the senior and respected his privacy - unlike the cringe worthy fangirls.Still, it was frustrating for him not knowing anything from Wonho. Why did he always seem so bored and tired, when he himself seemed so exciting and dangerous? Why did his eyes seem so dull as he looked at his surrounding?





	1. Behind the facade

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to make this short, as most people probably don't like reading notes ^^
> 
> Just wanted to say this was written because of a weak fangirl moment from me after watching Wonkyun on YT and stalking Monsta X in the last few days. *Cries*
> 
> And if you saw the tags, I'm completely new here xD  
> I wrote this first part in about two days (three of you count me correcting it). And usually I write in German and post it on a German side like other fanfics, but I saw almost none for this ship which made me sad T.T
> 
> But yeah, after seeing a lot more stories about them here I decided to give it a try. Wanted to do it for awhile but I was a little afraid xD
> 
> SO, there might be grammar and spelling mistakes!  
> If you find something that is wrong, please tell so I can correct it. I really want to learn from my mistakes and improve my english writing (it could help in school for my exams xD)
> 
> Enjoy reading the first part! <3

 

 

 

 

Changkyun lied on the grass and watched the beautiful blue sky above him. He felt a fresh breeze tingling his skin as well as going through his brown colored hair and he took a deep breath. His arms were folded behind his back as he enjoyed looking at the clouds. As he was watching them, his eyes slowly shot down and he felt his body relaxing immediately. It was the middle of may and the weather was perfect to just take a nap outside he decided on his sleepy mind. Changkyun was already dozing off with the sound of birds and students talking in the background. It was relaxing and he was slowly falling asleep.

 

 

If it wasn’t for _fucking_ Jooheon kicking him in the ribs with a loud scoff.

 _Hard_.

 

  
Changkyun gasped for oxygen which was knocked out of him and sat up. ”Defaq dude!? You want me to _die_??“ Jooheon only rolled his eyes over Changkyun's exaggeration and continued writing something on his phone. ”The last time you fell asleep here, it took me fucking _15 minutes_ to wake you up and we were both lectured for being late to class. I’m not making Mr.Kim this mad again just so that you can sleep a little after gambling the whole night bro.“ Not even once did Jooheon look up while speaking and Changkyun wondered for the hundredth time, why this idiot was his best friend.

 

  
His big pout was rudely ignored by the way, and he felt like a kicked puppy.

Quite literal.

His ribs actually hurt.

 

  
He scoffed and was able to ignore Jooheon for a good minute – suddenly really interested in ripping out the poor grass under him. Another pout was formed on his lips as he scooted closer to the older and leaned his head on the broad shoulder. ”I hate you.“ – ”I love you too.“. Changkyun hated himself for being so weak when it involved Jooheon.

 

That’s how Minhyuk, Kihyun and Jackson found them a few minutes later, knowing grins on their faces which Changkyun ignored gracefully.

 

 

  
The day was like any other for Changkyun. He was a freshman and got surprisingly fast used to it, together with Jooheon. They knew each other since diapers days, because their parents were already friends. They grew up together, got through shit together and will always have each other’s back - even though they were bickering on a daily basis.

 

They got to know the other three in college on their second day already and became friends immediately. Or rather Jooheon got to know them and Changkyun was forced to the same, which ended in awkward conversations in the beginning - but he was thankful, they were now one of his closest friends. While Minhyuk was in sophomore year, Jackson and Kihyun were seniors and are having their last year. Changkyun was happy he found such good friends and was having an awesome time in college. It's true he imagined it to be more crazy and different from highschool – and in many ways it was different from his old school. But it wasn’t this crazy new lifestyle which he expected, with hangovers, party’s and a lot of alcohol. He probably watched too many college movie’s …

  
”Oh Chanie look, the _love of your life_ is walking by~.“ He had to close his eyes for a second and took deep breaths, because he was this close to just strangle his best friend and commit murder. Again ignoring his other friends and their teasing smiles, he just couldn’t stop himself to look around discreetly – Jooheon snickering amused beside him.

 

And yup, his best friend didn’t lie to him. A good distance away from them was Shin Hoseok – as beautiful as ever – walking with his usual group of friends and occupying some benches. Expression emotionless like always and mostly styled in black. His eyes dull and without contact lenses, showing his tired brown eyes. It made Changkyun sad, but he was curious for the reason behind this look Hoseok always had. He still sends a quick thank you prayer to anything that might listen to him and will enjoy the next few minutes he can watch this walking angel. Usually, Changkyun sees him only on the corridors walking by, or in the cafeteria if he’s lucky. It was rare that Hoseok – or rather Wonho for Changkyun, as the senior only let's his close friends call him by his birth name – would sit outside with his group. Changkyun heard rumors about them being mostly on the rooftop and if that was true, he didn’t even want to know how they got the keys for the locked metal door.

 

”I hope you are not turning into one of his crazy stalkers or the fangirls. From what I heard they even opened up a fanclub for him. Even secretly making pictures. Like, what the fuck? They should give him more privacy ..“ Kihyun shuddered as he was talking, as well as Changkyun. Of course he heard of it and he didn't get these people. He felt disgusted. ”I’m not. You know I only like watching him from far. I would never follow him around or invade his privacy. Also I admire him for having the guts to be different than others. It’s like he doesn’t care what people think about him or if they judged him, as long as stays himself.“

 

He couldn’t even take his eyes from Wonho as he was talking. Changkyun kicked Minhyuk as he whispered ”Totally whipped“ meanwhile Jackson sobbing „He became so mature, my little baby being so poetic.“, the others only cracking up by the truth behind both. The youngest was used for being teased for his little crush and he knew they didn’t mean it bad. He was rather happy for not being judged for liking a guy. Changkyun wouldn’t say he was gay because he did like girls, but in the last few years he gotta admit that he was more attracted to men. Jooheon never had a problem with Changkyun's sexuality and always supported him.

 

Watching Wonho from a good distance became his little hobby and Changkyun didn’t really mind. It was kind of creepy after thinking about it, but he wasn’t like the crazy girls constantly following Wonho around. Changkyun only watched him if they were coincidentally in the same place like today. Admiring him for the a short moment and afterwards continuing his day like always.

 

He remembers his first time seeing Wonho which was about one week after starting college. The attraction hit him like a sudden storm and Changkyun was left breathless for a moment – Jooheon was panicking because he genuinely believed that Changkyun had a heart attack (which wasn’t that wrong).

 

You can’t really blame him for his reaction. After living a rather monotonous life – while getting a little drunk and rapping with Jooheon underground was the highlight – being confronted with a individual like Wonho was shocking. His blonde dyed hair was the most 'normal' part about him and made him honestly look like a angel. It seemed so fluffy and soft, Changkyun’s fingers itched to brush through it. His insanely handsome face was next and only confirmed his assumption that Wonho was a actual angel. Which was immediately dismissed after seeing the handsome face decorated with tons of piercings – two on his bottom lip, one on his left eyebrow, even a tongue piercing and Changkyun was never able to count how many both his ears had, but definitely more than ten. Changkyun could also tell that Wonho used some make up judging by the lightly black rimmed eyes, as well as blueish/grey contact lenses, which made him inhumanly good looking. Lastly there were his tattoos.

  
Fucking _tattoos_.

_All over his left arm._

_And a lot of the ink also covering his right arm._

And there is probably even more under the clothes because Changkyun _saw_ the head of a fucking dragon on Wonho's neck – the rest is sadly covered by his shirt but Changkyun's imagination was running wild at this point.

 

So maybe he was rather a fallen angel, but still a angel.

 

 

He remembers his head going crazy over this man with many mixed feelings he couldn’t quite comprehend. Everything became really confusing because he felt this immediate attraction towards this mysterious man without knowing him. Changkyun saw someone like him only on TV shows or in the internet but never in South Korea. In a college. Being so fucking beautiful.

 

Admittedly he judged Wonho in the beginning for his appearance and was more than intimidated by it. After a while it became more and more confusing because his judgement was suddenly mixed with this attraction for Wonho. By this moment he was already watching the older on a daily basis without really realising it. Naturally, it became a habit for him. His curiosity couldn’t be tamed after about a month and he started to ask his older friends about this mysterious man. They gave him basic information like his name, that he was really popular but also feared by a lot of students, he often got into fights and ignored people who weren’t in his group of friends. That’s all they could tell him, as no one really knew much about Wonho in the first place. It itched Changkyun to find out more about the senior. Obviously his friends got suspicious about his sudden interest in Wonho and that’s how they also found out about his crush, teasing him ever since that day.

 

Changkyun really wanted to know more about Wonho and sometimes it was painfully frustrating when he realized, that his chances to actually speak to him was equally low to all the clingy fangirls. He was somehow mad at himself because in the end, he wasn’t better than the girls he made fun of. The only thing connecting the both of them was Changkyun’s one sided attraction towards the senior. Wonho was a beautiful human being – no one had the right to say something against that fact -, he had a mysterious aura surrounding him, he had a sense for fashion and was rather calm or cold towards most people. And Changkyun was just Changkyun. Mostly boring, often awkward with new people and really loud when Jooheon was beside him. His knowledge wasn‘t better than from other students and he wanted to change that so badly, but there wouldn’t be an chance for that. It made him feel ashamed of himself, because he hadn’t the guts to confront Wonho and at least try to get to know him. He was being a coward and only liked him for his appearance …

 

It made him mad at himself.

 

 

”Stop daydreaming about him you little shit and get off me! I won’t be late again because of you.“ Rudely, Changkyun was shoved away and started blinking rapidly. He could hear his friends laughing and felt the heat flaming his cheeks. That’s why he hated spacing out so much. He actually needed a few minutes to coordinate himself again. It made him feel like a lost puppy and it didn’t help when Kihyun started patting his head and Jackson literally crushed him in a hug while cooing over his cuteness.

  
To which Changkyun didn’t agree.

He was definitely _not_ cute.

They didn’t take him serious as he sad that, and Changkyun blamed the stupid pout he couldn’t get rid of.

  
His eyes automatically went to Wonho as he wanted to have one last glance before classes started. Curiosity got the best of him. And Changkyun‘s heart nearly jumped out of his chest as their gazes suddenly met and he couldn’t stop as a fit of coughs escaped his mouth. Maybe he shouldn’t forget to breath the next time their gazes met. Probably a good idea, because he embarrassed himself really good in that moment. Jooheon was rubbing circles on his back while his friends were worried and tried to help with his breathing. Changkyun was dump enough to risk a quick glance to Wonho and nearly died in embarrassment.

  
_And he was not exaggerating_.

  
Wonho had an amused smile on his face while his eyes showed a little worry for Changkyun. Latter didn’t even know what to think about the moment and hastily got up. His friends followed and Jooheon laid his arm over Changkyun’s shoulder, probably still worried. Changkyun ignored the piercing gaze following him until he was out of eyesight.

 

Within a few seconds this day turned to one of his most embarrassing ones. Desperately he grabbed onto the though that Wonho hopefully forgot his face already.

 

  
Hopefully.

 

 

  *~*~*~*

 

 

  
It was Sunday and about 5 p.m.

 

Changkyun loved this routine he developed over the years, which was simply going out for a few hours and enjoy the peaceful time alone. It didn’t really matter where he went, as long as he was alone and could relax his mind after a stressful day. Sometimes he would use this time to write some of his raps or he would even do homework. His motivation and inspiration was a lot higher when he didn’t have the chance to use his computer or one of his consoles as a distraction.

 

He had barely gotten out of his shared apartment with Jooheon who became desperate for cuddles. He was partying the night before and had a massive hangover, which always made him strongly affectionate. After he heard his name being naggingly shouted through their whole apartment at 2 p.m., Changkyun sprinted out in less than 5 minutes. Luckily, he was decently dressed in a white T-shirt and normal jeans so he didn’t have to worry about that. The only things he took with him were his keys, his phone, wallet and his notebook with a pen. His first 30 minutes he spent with mindlessly strolling around until he decided to go to his favourite park. It did took a bit to get there but it was always worth it. He got to his usual spot by a big old tree and sat under it. There was a big playground for children in front of him and he enjoyed the noise of them in the background.

  
One reason he liked this place so much was, that not many people in his age came here. Probably because of the children. But after having two little siblings himself – and Jooheon who was equally a big kid - he got used to the noise. Being here reminded him of home which he missed already. Jooheon and him tried to go as often as possible home which wasn’t always easy. Both their parents are also paying their rent but Changkyun felt bad about it. Their parents had the money to do it but Jooheon and him still discussed it and came to the conclusion to be more independent. They want to find part time jobs for themselves and at least pay half of the rent.

  
Only now did he realize that he was in deep thoughts again. His notebook was open and laying on his lap, while he mindlessly twirled the pen in his right hand. Nothing came to his mind to be written down and he didn't know how long he was actually daydreaming. Confused, he looked around and tried to figure out what pulled him out of his thoughts in the first place. That’s when he saw a little girl crying her eyes out, about five meters away from him. His big brother complexes got the best of him and he left his old tree. Changkyun got to the little girl who was desperately rubbing at her watery eyes and looking around, probably searching for her mother. Carefully, he knelt before her and put on a friendly smile, hopefully not scaring her – children often got intimidated by his appearance which actually really depressing for Changkyun.

 

Curiously she looked at Changkyun and a big pout was forming on her lips. ”What is your name little princess? Did you get lost?“ for a moment she was only looking at Changkyun but he breathed out a sigh of relief when she slowly nodded, followed by an whispered ”Minyoung.“

 

”Wow, what a pretty name. It suits you well.“ The compliment made her smile which was again relieving. Changkyun needed her trust first before he could try to find her mother. ”I’m Changkyun but you can call me Chanie or Kyunie if it’s easier for you. So who did you loose Minyoung-ah, is it your mother?“ she shook her head. ”Ok, your Dad than?“ she suddenly became sad but still shook her head before saying ”My big brother.“ Changkyun nodded at that.

 

”Should I help you to look for him? We could walk around until we find him.“ He was still smiling and couldn’t help but to find her really adorable while thinking over his suggestion. Than she pouted again ”I can’t Kyunie, my brother told me to not walk around with strangers.“ He was kinda happy over the answer. Minyoung wasn’t dump and her brother did well in teaching her something important like that – Changkyun did the same with his siblings. ”That’s ok, your brother is right about that. How about something else: We are going to stay right here and you won’t be alone while waiting and looking for him?“ she thought about it again and nodded in the end. They sat on the bench beside them and Changkyun started to ask her random questions.

 

It wasn’t really long, not even ten minutes when she jumped from the bench and sprinted away. Changkyun was left confused for a minute until someone suddenly stood before him. Hastily he got up and wanted to introduce himself after hearing Minyoung say ”That’s Kyunie I told you about!“, embarrassed over the nickname he gave her. He bowed immediately with an ”I’m Lim Changkyun, I found her crying a few minutes ago and stayed to be sure nothing happened to her.“ And awkwardly straightened up again. That’s when the air was knocked out of him again after realizing, who exactly was standing infront of him – lightly smiling after seeing Changkyun‘s face (he didn’t even want to describe his face before that, was the other ready to smash his head into the concrete).

 

Because, who _else_ should it be?

From all the people in Seoul he could have met hear …

 _Of course_ , destiny tried to play tricks on him and no other than Shin Hoseok a.k.a Wonho a.k.a. his fucking crush was standing right before him with his sister clinging to his neck. To make it even worse, he was looking too beautiful to look at with his ripped jeans and loose tank top, showing off his muscles and tattooed arms. Changkyun had barely two seconds to note Wonhos dragon tattoo on the neck being more visible, when he looked up to make eye contact and not stare at his body like a creep. Also he was trying really hard not to blush after looking into Wonhos eyes for more than one second, which was a first – and he clearly felt he wasn’t doing a good job (probably looking more like a tomato than a human).

 

”Thanks man, I was really panicking after she was gone. This princess begged for ice cream but wanted to stay on the playground. After I came back she was suddenly gone.“ He threw Minyoung a strict gaze and said girl pouted again while mumbling ”But the butterfly was so beautiful..,“ and Changkyun could imagine how the rest happened. ”N-no problem, I found her while sitting under the tree and writing some stuff. She declined my offer to look for you, because her big brother forbid her to walk away with strangers. Really smart girl.“ Wonho seemed surprised over that and gave her a kiss afterwards, a proud smile on his lips and Minyoung giggled happily. Changkyun somehow felt giddy after watching the two siblings interact - and was glad his little stutter got ignored. Especially witnessing a side from Wonho he wasn’t aware of before this day made him really happy.

 

”Oh, I’m Wonho by the way.“ He tried to keep calm as he took Wonhos outstretched hand, ”Changkyun.“ The senior smiled amused and took his hand back ”I know, you said it earlier.“ Changkyun pressed his lips tightly together and hoped for the ground to just swallow him. He didn’t say anything – before more dump shit left his mouth – and saw nodding as the only way to stay safe. At least he made Wonho smile even wider and this sight was also a first time for Changkyun. Even with his friends, Wonho stayed calm and cold without much reaction – also one of the reasons girls loved him so much, he really seemed like the typical bad boy in the movies.

 

Honestly, that was the only thing Changkyun actually didn’t like about Wonho. He wasn’t sure if he could interact with someone that cold and calm, was he rather loud, did bad puns with Jooheon, lived for K-dramas, was sometimes really childish and also a bit overdramatic. He couldn’t imagine him and Wonho talking to each other. In his mind he would always be the only one talking, as Wonho just looked at him with a blank expression. Having Wonho openly happy and relaxed like now is something he was sometimes having fantasies about. Which was turning real now and it was hard to keep up with all of this.

  
”I’m not sure but could it be that we are going to the same college, your face seems familiar.“ This gave Changkyun a little heart attack but he only blinked rapidly to calm down, ”Oh yeah, didn’t think you would remember me between all the faces.“ He let an awkward laugh out and rubbed his neck. Also it was really unfair that Wonho looked too damn hot with this teasing smile on his lips. ”Well, you seem to also remember me, so I guess it isn’t that hard?“ embarrassed he looked away and again chose to simply nod.

 

He let out an sigh of relief when Minyoung stole Wonhos attention. ”Can we go to get ice cream again? I’m staying with you this time, _pleeease_.“ In less than three seconds, Wonho gave in to her request and let her down to hold her hand. Their gazes met again and Changkyun didn’t know if he should be happy that his embarrassment would finally end or if he should be sad, because he wouldn‘t be able to see more of this different side from Wonho. And after looking at each other and not saying anything, Changkyun could swear seeing a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. But he probably imagined that.

 

”Uhm Kyunie, you will come with us, right? You will let him join Hoseokie, right?“ she was looking at them expectedly, especially at her brother, ”I can’t force him princess, remember you should ask nicely if you want something from someone.“ She nodded and looked at Changkyun, asking cutely again. And Changkyun was a weak man if it’s about children, so he agreed.

And maybe he wanted to enjoy Wonhos presence a little bit more.

 

  
That’s how they ended up by the nearby kiosk, selling all kinds of stuff. Thanks to the little girl they didn’t only end up with ice cream, but a bag full of snacks, sweets and drinks. It was funny watching Wonhos lost expression as he bought everything his sister wanted, after managing to be strict for about five seconds. Just watching this intimidating looking man being told around by a eight year old was everything Changkyun needed in life. They took a total of 20 minutes to buy everything Minyoung wanted – and before Changkyun could even take out his wallet to pay for his stuff, Wonho just stopped him with a smile and payed for everything. He will forever deny these stupid butterflies in his stomach for the gesture, but he still thanked him when they finally got out.

 

Silently, the three of them walked while eating their ice cream, the little girl happily humming and making a mess of herself. Chocolate was never a good choice for little kids, he remembered it from his own siblings he often took out for a walk. So his big brother instinct got the best of him again as he took out a napkin from the bag and knelt before Minyoung. ”Minyoung-ah, let me clean the chocolate away before it dries, alright?“ she nodded and Changkyun carefully cleaned up the chocolate traces around her mouth, before they continued walking. From his left side Wonho was grinning at him. Usually, he was really good ignoring such looks from his friends but Wonho was different – at least he withstood about half a minute.

 

”What are you grinning at?“ he mumbled and really tried not to pout. Changkyun couldn’t even tell if he succeeded but it was the thought that counts, wasn’t it? ”Nothing, just noticing how good you are with children, she never let’s me clean her up. Should I be worried? Do you have some dark secrets I should know about?“ Changkyun could only role his eyes over the bad jokes. At the same time it gave him a little hope that they could actually become good friends.

 

He didn’t have to have a relationship with Wonho, it wasn’t his goal in the first place. Changkyun was always fascinated by his unique appearance in comparison to others. The older didn’t care about what society would think about him or if people liked him. Wonho lived and acted how he wanted. Did what he wanted. At least that was what Changkyun saw. He didn’t know about things that might have happened, which explained everything. Reasons for the things he did. Changkyun was always curious to ask. Maybe after today, he can get the chance sometime in the future.

 

”I think it’s too early for the dark secrets but no, I have two little siblings myself back home and also used to babysit. It was never hard for me to interact with children, even though they sometimes get afraid of me in the beginning.“ He took a big bite from his ice and hissed at it’s coolness, ignoring Wonhos amused laugh. Minhyuk was probably right and he was too whipped already. ”I can relate to them, you kinda have a deep frown when you don’t smile. I guess kids get easily scared by it.“ Changkyun knew he was only teasing him with it and the thought made his heart flutter. ”Well, excuse me for my scary looking face.“ Sarcasm was his second language by the way. He wanted to say something about Wonhos tattoos and piercings which made him probably way more intimidating than Changkyun but he decided against it. It wasn’t even an hour ago since they started talking for the first time and Changkyun didn’t know if talking about Wonhos appearance would cross a border.

 

It didn’t really matter. Wonho only smiled teasingly and ruffled his hair. Changkyun hated when his friends did it but as with many other things, there was no problem when Wonho did it. Especially after the older put his arm around Changkyun’s shoulder and didn’t move it away as they continued walking. Only then did he actually notice their high difference. Wonho was about half a head bigger than Changkyun. He somehow liked it. Also feeling Wonhos muscles so vividly against him made Changkyun flustered, but oddly in a good way. He couldn’t understand how the arm around his shoulder was holding him strongly in place but was at the same time gentle. Or maybe he was imagining too much and he should stop overthinking everything.

  
”Can we go to the swings please? I’m done with my ice cream.“ Changkyun saw from the corners of his eyes Wonho looking at him. He was probably ready to deny her request because of Changkyun, but the latter interrupted him before Wonho could even open his mouth. ”Sure princess, go.“ Happily laughing, she jumped a few times before running to the many swings. They were slowly following her and Changkyun ignored the confused eyes from Wonho. ”Kyunie, can you push me a little?“ he smiled while nodding and walked behind her. Wonho was sitting a few meters away on the grass and just looked at them. He had a weird glint in his eyes. Changkyun pushed her like requested and left after she told him to. He sat down beside Wonho and accepted the drink being offered to him. For a few minutes they silently watched Minyoung having fun on the swing while eating some snacks.

 

Changkyun tried not to think about this weird situation he found himself into: Meeting his crush by a playground after finding his lost sister, said crush having a unique look, discovering new sides about Wonho, buying stuff together and walking around with his sister, talking and now sitting while enjoying the moment.

 

”Changkyun-ah, oh- Is it alright if we leave formalities? You can also call me Hyung if you want?“ the younger lightly bit on his bottom lip to stop his mouth from smiling widely and nodded as a answer. ”Just wanted to apologise for kinda dragging you into our day. More than often it’s really hard to decline Minyoung the things she wants and I should probably try to be stricter with her. But yeah, still thanks for joining and giving her a good time.“ Changkyun became really flustered from his words and turned worse after seeing the sincerity in Wonhos eye’s. ”No, it was honestly no problem. I told you I have siblings myself and deal with the same problem. Especially after moving in a apartment with Jooheon and away from my hometown, it’s even harder saying no when they tell me how much they missed me. Also it was getting boring after sitting here for a few hours, so I was rather happy. And on top of that I had a blockade I couldn’t overcome while writing.“ He couldn’t even tell how long he actually sat under the tree, lost in thoughts but Changkyun was also used to it. Inspiration was something he suddenly got and once in a flow, he could write for hours. And other times like today he could barely write something down which was useful later on.

 

He was a little distracted while talking and mainly watched Minyoung, so he didn’t notice Wonho starring at him. He was startled for a moment, after seeing the curiosity in Wonhos eyes – and Changkyun somehow realized now, that Wonho expressed a lot of emotions through his eyes. At least today he did.

 

What made other days so different in comparison to this one? It was confusing him.

 

The younger didn’t say anything and waited patiently for Wonho to tell what was on his mind. Which wasn’t so easy, did it feel like Wonhos piercing gaze was looking right into his soul. Once his eyes were actually concentrating on something, they felt more than intense.

 

”What did you write about?“ Well, he was honestly not expecting this question out of everything which Wonho could have asked him. But he shrugged it off, ”I write lyrics for my raps. This roommate I told you about; he’s my childhood best friend and he does the same. It became our thing to write lyrics and later on create some beats fitting it. We would sometimes go underground to perform what we made and people seemed to like it, I guess.“ He became shy and started to rip at the grass under him while talking, Wonhos intense gaze which was mixed with surprise was too much for Changkyun’s head. It was already hurting from trying to memorize all the different sides he saw from Wonho today. He couldn’t handle even more.

 

Especially not a Wonho filled with more than a bored and cold expression.

 

”Really? I hadn't expected something like that from you, you seem too innocent and cute for stuff like that.“ That made him glare darkly at Wonho, but the older didn’t seem intimidated in the slightest and only laughed lightly. He pulled Changkyun in a side hug and ruffled his hair again and the younger just couldn’t be mad at Wonho. It was so frustrating to have such a strong weakness, but it oddly felt good at the same time. They were too close for Changkyun’s liking and his head was suggesting to keep a little distance between them, but his heart was stronger in this argument and wanted to just enjoy this moment, so he stayed. ”I’m sorry, I didn’t want to come off as judging because I’m used to it from people I hate it. I wanted to tease you a little Changkyun-ah.“ He responded that it was okay and they in a calming silence afterwards. They watched Minyoung play with other kids and having a lot of fun, which made Changkyun’s heart warm.

 

”By the way, I think it’s really cool what you are doing. You seem to have a strong passion for it, your eyes were literally sparkling while you talked about it. As long as you are happy with your decisions, it doesn’t matter what others might think of you.“ And it seemed obvious for Changkyun that the older was indirectly referring to himself. ”Like you with your tattoos and piercings.“ Wonho smiled lightly and nodded. A comfortable silence enveloped them again while getting lost in their own thoughts, never separating from each other.

 

  
And an hour later they were parting ways, with a crying Minyoung who didn’t want to leave Changkyun. She wouldn’t let him go and cried in his arms, falling asleep like this and giving them the chance to actually separate. They didn’t really talk and continued being silent. Changkyun was sad as Wonho smiled one last time at him, trying to wave with one hand while holding his sleeping sister on his other arm. He waved back, also smiling and turned around.

 

  
But he couldn’t be really sad, as he had a new number saved in his phone.

 


	2. True feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2^^
> 
> First of all, thanks for the comments, they made me really happy!!  
> I tried to hurry up, because they motivated me a lot, but I'm also sick (a cold from a friend). 
> 
> So yeah, I'm sorry if it's not good I guess (?) T_T I tried!
> 
> Correcting was also a lot harder, so meh. As soon as I'm fit again, I will look it over. For now, I just wanted to post something.
> 
> Enjoy!<3

  


  


  


  


It took an whole week until Changkyun could see Wonho again.  


 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

The senior wasn’t on campus or anywhere near the university. Changkyun saw Wonho’s friends almost daily and they seemed like always, so the older should be fine. He shouldn’t be worried in the first place, because it wasn’t unusual for Wonho to disappear for a week. It happened occasionally and Changkyun would become sad, but it was nothing new. He thought about texting Wonho, just to be sure everything was alright – and he still felt giddy about having Wonhos number saved in his phone -, but he didn’t have the guts.

 

Sometimes in the night, he would just stare at his newly saved contact and smile, tracing the selfie Wonho took of himself, looking emotionless into the camera. Changkyun would chuckle at the memory, because the older barely took the picture with his straight face, before bursting out laughing. Wonho still saved the picture and Changkyun blushed while looking at his newly added contact,

Wonho saved himself as 'Wonie-Hyung' and the younger laughed at the absurdly cute nickname, while the picture didn’t fit at all.

 

Afterwards he persuaded Changkyun into doing the same. The younger was shy and didn’t like taking selfies, cringed at the memories of trying in his room and failing miserably – he was the self-conscious and insecure type of guy. Wonho didn’t rush him into anything and after a few minutes of Changkyun pouting stubbornly, he sighed and gave in. Changkyun was immediately gifted with happily sparkling eyes from Wonho, which made it worth it. He didn’t even try to look good or anything. His pout stayed stubbornly, bottom lip slightly jutting out and he made a peace sign to make the picture at least somewhat acceptable and not too grumpy. Afterwards he saved himself as 'Changkyunie' and hoped it was alright. He gave Wonho his phone back and was anxious while the latter inspected his attempt of a selfie.

 

Not even two seconds later and Wonho had one of the widest smiles on his face Changkyun ever saw. He almost radiated a comfortable warmth and Changkyun could swear Wonho was the sun himself. ”You’re adorable, I can’t believe how handsome you look on this picture, thanks.“ Changkyun didn’t say anything and looked away, a bright pink probably tinting his cheeks.

 

He liked looking back at this day and think about it again and again. Everytime he found something else in his memories, he couldn’t really react about with Wonho being right next to him.

  
_But now .._

 

He would think back at all the little details most people wouldn’t care about: The two bottom lip piercings being black instead of silver on this day and making Wonhos full red lips even more stunning. His hair wasn’t pushed back and instead fell over his forehead, letting Wonho seem somehow younger and more innocent. The dragon tattoo was more exposed and Changkyun saw more of it’s body, but still not enough to satisfy him – he wanted so badly to see all of Wonhos tattoos, he almost craved it with every fiber in him. He seemed a little sweaty – Changkyun wondered if it was because of the sun, or did Wonho exercise before going out with his sister -, his skin glowing lovely and making him fascinated on the drops of sweat running down his skin. It made his blood boil and awoke a desire he had never felt before.

 

He also thought about the small touches and lingering gazes on him, which made him feel special – something Changkyun also never felt. Seeing Wonho smiling was a image he would never forget and was marked in his head. It was so carefree and almost innocent, a completely different picture from the Wonho he knew of. His laughs were warm and sincere, making Changkyun’s heart beat faster.

 

So he lay every night in his bed, darkness surrounding him with only his phone as a light source, Wonhos picture almost blinding him. He wanted to see his face so badly again, wanted to know if their shared day was an exception for Wonhos unusual acting. Or maybe something he only showed out of college? He didn’t even care, Changkyun desired the smooth and melodic voice. Wanted to talk about anything and nothing again.

 

Changkyun couldn’t even tell how often he opened Wonhos contact, holding his thumb over the calling button, but chickening out in the last second. Then going to school the next morning and realising, that Wonho was still missing, regretting his decision of not calling him. Only to do the same the next night.

 

 

For an whole week.

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

Wonho was back on monday.

 

It wasn’t really surprising for Changkyun, but the worry was still lifted off his shoulders and he felt happiness rushing through his whole body. Sadly, he couldn’t even enjoy the moment, did his first lesson start in less than five minutes. He spared Wonho one last glance, the latter having arrived only few seconds ago through the entrance and now walking to his friends. They didn’t seem surprised and greeted him with fist bumbs. And like Changkyun expected, was Wonho as cold and calm as always, not even ushering a reason for his disappearance to his friends. Wonho stood beside them and absentmindedly looked around. At this point Changkyun decided to finally go away, did he stay in the middle of the sidewalk and people got pissed while bumping into him. He turned around and walked with other students.

 

Still, something was weird and he furrowed his brows, trying to find the reason for this uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. While walking, he turned his head back and it didn’t even take him two seconds to find a pair of eyes he knew very well by know. Their gazes met for barely a second, before Changkyun had to turn around and watch were he was walking.

 

His face was probably bright red and it wasn’t just because their eyes met again. It was more the look that Wonho had given him. The same one he had when they met. He saw the softness even through Wonhos contact lenses, a glimpse of curiosity also hidden.

 

A smile tugged at his lips and he didn’t have the power to fight against it. So even in class – with physics out of everything – he couldn’t help but smile brightly. His mood didn’t even change when Jooheon looked at him like he was crazy and poked Changkyun in his side, while asking if he was sick. Going on about him being alright in the morning before leaving the apartment – Jooheon a bit earlier than him, to meet up with Minhyuk. Changkyun felt a bit bad, because he didn’t tell Jooheon or the others about his unplanned meeting with Wonho. There wasn’t even a specific reason for that, he somehow wanted to keep it for himself at first. It seemed wrong for him to tell them about Wonhos completely different behavior outside of school. As if it were a secret he wasn’t allowed to talk about. Changkyun felt a little guilty toward his friends but tried covering it up while thinking, that it wasn’t a lie, because he didn’t even mention it.

 

Not saying anything wasn’t lying, right?

 

”I’m fine bro, saw Wonho on my way to class.“ He was still not lying, that was the truth. Jooheon seemed satisfied, a smirk gracing his lips while saying ”Whipped“ and turning to the front again. Changkyun couldn’t even say anything, because it felt more and more like the truth. He thought it was only a stupid crush, which would go away in the future. It was nice having a distraction like Wonho, who made his stress disappear in less than a few seconds.  
Changkyun enjoyed his friends mocking him for his crush, he liked having fantasies about Wonho and his curiosity for the older was also real.

 

But he never saw it as more than what he originally planned:

Only a stupid crush on some guy who was different and interesting.

 

And still, he suddenly felt something drastically changing. He thought about the nights in his bed, longingly staring at a stupid picture while remembering the day. Feeling his heartbeat increase and butterflies happily fluttering in his stomach. These emotions were very different from before. They were stronger and more passionate. It almost scared Changkyun. He has never felt this way in his life and he had three relationships.

 

But Wonho, he was something else. Made Changkyun feel this weird shit, which he was even enjoying.

 

 

Was he actually falling in love with Wonho?

 

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

 

  
The next thing he knew, it was already Friday and his friends talked animatedly about their joined weekend plans. Something about going to a big party with free alcohol. Changkyun would usually be excited for it, but this week wasn’t really his best.

 

It took him two days to actually accept his feelings for Wonho, which was harder than he thought. Somehow accepting a little crush and accepting being in love, were very different – who would have thought? And after his acceptance followed his cowardliness by hiding from Wonho in every way possible – (his most embarrassing one; seeing Wonho with his friends on the other end of the hallway with almost none students around and hiding in the janitor room beside him. It was really dumb and he will deny it from happening forever). He couldn’t even explain why he acted this way, as if Wonho was able to read his mind and notice his feelings with one look. But it felt like it and Changkyun did what his head told him to, ignoring the thousands of questions from his friends for his weird behavior.

 

”-yeah, and maybe we can make Chanie drunk. I can’t bear more of his _grumpy_ mood.“ Hearing his name, he looked up and saw the nodding heads of his friends. He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to look betrayed – he was probably failing, did only Minhyuk and Jackson react by squealing and hitting each other.

 

Sometimes he really hated being the maknae.

 

”I’m not grumpy.“ As if it was planned, they scoffed at the same time. They were standing at the lockers, waiting for Kihyun to take out some stuff. He was already done but they continued staying by the lockers, while waiting for the hallway to clear up. Changkyun was leaning against one locker, trying to ignore his friends gazes and looking stubbornly to the ground. ”Let him be, he probably had a bad week. The party’s gonna make you happy again bro.“ Jooheon swung a arm around his shoulder and in moments like these he realized, why he couldn’t have someone else as his best friend. No one knew him like Jooheon. He silently thanked him with his eyes.

 

But suddenly things changed a little.

 

The corridor was almost completely empty and they were ready to also leave. Changkyun was surprised when Jackson hold them back and whispered, ” _Wait wait_! Wonho is also leaving and will walk past us, let’s wait for Changkyun. Maybe his mood will be better after seeing his prince charming.“ He couldn’t even kick Jackson, or Minhyuk for agreeing with a high-five. His eyes widened in shock. Kihyun and Jooheon looked worriedly at him, not understanding his behavior.

 

Changkyun really wanted to explain but his head was filled with pictures from a smiling face, black bottom lip piercings, defeated eyes while buying his little sister anything she wanted and a dragon tattoo he craved to see. And instead of hiding his face in the lockers or Jooheons broad chest, he looked up and directly into Wonhos direction. Latter was as gorgeous as always; wearing a white shirt which was too tight for his muscular body, black ripped jeans showing a few of the tattoos underneath, hair combed back with a few strands falling over his forehead and covering his eyes slightly.

 

He looked breathtaking – like always – but now even more than usually. Maybe it was just him being biased after coming to terms with his feeling and really looking at Wonho for the first time instead of immediately searching for a hiding place. Changkyun literally felt his breath stutter while watching the walking angel – noticing only Hyunwoo and Hyungwon being on Wonhos side today. And the moment felt like hours, when Wonho lifted his gaze from the ground and as if he knew Changkyun was standing there, immediately looking into his eyes. His heart was probably dead by now, not agreeing to this kind of stress. He felt stupid for a second, not understanding why he tried to hide over the week, when Wonho seemed like always and not in the slightest affected.

 

  
That was, until Wonho suddenly smiled while seeing Changkyun and lifted a hand as a greeting. And Changkyun – dumb as he was – did the same, also with a smile on his face.

 

  
Both groups of friends were more than confused at this point. Changkyun saw the questioning gazes from Wonhos friends, looking back from one to the other. It was somehow even funny, because his friends were doing the exact same thing and Changkyun would laugh over the situation, if he wasn’t panicking inwardly. As the three were walking past them, Wonho seemed more than confused about his friends nudging him on the side and waiting expectedly. Changkyun couldn’t help himself as he watched them leave, seeing Wonho being asked one question after the other – and he knew, that the same fate was waiting for him.

 

He cringed as his friends coughed loudly, trying to get Changkyun’s attention to them and not the walking angel, who was long gone already. While making a grimace, Changkyun turned back to them and was met with a mixture of curiosity, confusion, disbelief and excitement – the last only coming from Jackson, who tried to control his happiness over the situation. He became even more nervous, when Jooheon took his arm back and a sudden coldness surrounded Changkyun, as the older folded his arms over his chest. ”I think you have some explanation to do, don’t you think?“ one look at Jooheon was enough to let the guilt wash over him. Jooheon knew, that something must have happened, and he didn’t tell him about, which the older hated the most – the two of them having secrets between them.

 

He nodded, trying to silently apologize through his eyes.

It didn’t really help, Jooheon ignored him.

 

"Well, I guess that means we have to change our plan a little.“ Minhyuk smiled creepily, while Kihyun nodded. ”Forget the stupid party, we have to get some information out of our maknae. Let’s go to your apartment Jooheon.“ Kihyun seemed the most calm, but Changkyun could see the many emotions flickering in his eyes. The most prominent worry, was he always the most protective over their youngest friend. Jooheon agreed silently to their suggestions and Changkyun squirmed uncomfortably under his boring gaze. Jackson was the last to voice his thoughts out and screamed happily, ”That means: 'Pyjama-Party' !!!“ while jumping in the air. Changkyun could already tell, it would be a long night and probably a lot of alcohol, as well as junk food.

 

At least that was lifting his mood.

 

 

 

* _Many hours later_ *

 

”Wait, Wait! So you’re telling me he actually _smiled_ and _laughed_?? In all my three years here, I only saw it on party’s a few times when he was drunk _as fuck_!“ full of disbelief and faked jealousy, Jackson drank a shot of soju while stuffing his mouth with pizza – it looked disgusting by the way.

 

”I don’t care about him fucking smiling! Since when does he have a _little sister_?? And he’s going to the playground with her? That is actually cute, I think I’m going to look at him differently now.“ Minhyuk was lying on the floor while looking at the ceiling and he seemed more than confused about the informations he was given – also, he was munching the same thing for at least two minutes and Changkyun didn’t even want to know, what it originally was.

 

”Well, can we also talk about him buying Changkyun's stuff in the kiosk? And _talking_?? From what you told us, he seemed to talk more in the few hours with you, than in the whole _three years_ I know him! And he gave you his number with a cheesy name as a contact, but he never cared for finding other friends!“ Kihyun was confused and ate his slice pizza frustratingly. He was leaning against Changkyun on the couch, feet on the coffee table. Throughout Changkyun’s story, he was as expected the calmest, while the other three interrupted him every two sentences. It was more than frustrating and took him nearly 3 ½ hours to tell about the whole day – Jooheon stopping him in the beginning already, angry for being left alone while having a hangover.

 

”All of that is unimportant! *hiccup* Did he actually look at you like that? I mean, the lingering gazes with the softness and the other bullshit you were talking about. Did he? Because dude, I think that guy might actually like you!“ Changkyun could barely understand what Jooheon was saying. The latter drank the most and was now a giggling, incoherent mumbling and hiccuping mess. Still, Changkyun understood most of it and couldn’t fight the heat rising to his face. ”I dunno. Maybe he was having a good day or something and it didn’t mean as much as I felt.“ He was thoughtfully looking at his slice pizza and drank his beer instead – his own words made him somehow bitter. ”Oh please, we all know that’s bullshit. Wonho knew – even remembered you from college – and wasn’t affected at all. Me and Jackson know him for three years. His good days meant talking more and smiling here and there. But what you told us is on a whole new level.“ Jackson agreed with a loud burb, while rising his can of beer. Minhyuk told Jackson how disgusting he was – still munching on the same stuff in his mouth.

 

”Also!- *hiccup* he acknowledged your existence bro! *hiccup* More than fangirls get, _that’s true love guys_!“ he actually started crying. Jackson was beside him by the coffee table and pat him on the shoulder – yeah, Jooheon was the emotional drunk. ”Alright, we could make as much theories as we want about Wonho, but it wouldn’t really help us much.“ Minhyuk was getting up and finally swallowed. He looked expectedly at Changkyun, who squirmed under his gaze. ”Something seemed different while you talked about him Chanie ( _Jackson loudly agreed to his statement_ ).“ Changkyun shrugged. It was already hard coming to terms with his feelings by himself. But telling his friends seemed even harder. He knew, nothing would change, but the fear was still there.

 

”Has really something change? I thought you had only a crush?“ Kihyun looked confused and searched for answers in Changkyun’s eyes. Changkyun didn’t even know what he was trying to find in them, but Kihyun widened his eyes suddenly, mouth slightly open. And he said something, that not even Changkyun had dared to say aloud.

 

  
_”_ You _love_  Wonho.“

 

  
Everyone looked at him, their gazes a mixture of confusion and realization. Changkyun groaned and let his head fall back. He looked at the ceiling. He sighed.

  
”I love him. _I fucking love Wonho_.“

 

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

 

  
Over a week passed since their drunken talk in his apartment.

 

Changkyun got emotional himself and started crying for whatever reason. They group hugged him and fell asleep like this – the next morning half of his body was on the couch and half on the ground, Kihyun was hugging his arm on the couch, he was face to face with Jackson (which gave him a heart attack), Jooheon was hugging his waist in an awkward position and Minhyuk was clinging to his legs. It was weird when they woke up, but they agreed silently, that it deepened their friendship.

 

Changkyun also decided to not hide anymore. Not from his feelings nor Wonho himself. He didn’t have the courage to actually talk to the senior, but at least he wasn’t avoiding him anymore. Everytime their ways crossed, Changkyun would take a deep breath and cautiously look towards Wonho – he was still unsure if the older was really alright with it. His concern would always be unfounded, because Wonho would already look at him when their eyes met. Changkyun tried to keep his racing heartbeat down, but it was pointless. As soon as Wonho smiled at him while lifting his hand, his mouth forming the word 'Hey' beautifully, Changkyun’s heart would leap out of his chest. And Changkyun would always do the same while trying to look as calm as possible. He also tried to ignore the questioning gazes from students, because it became obvious that Wonho and Changkyun knew each other. His mind relaxed a little, as Wonho didn’t seem to care about others opinion – like always -, and Changkyun did the same.

 

One time, he even stopped Changkyun while meeting him in the hallway. Both groups of friends looked confused, because Wonho held Changkyun’s arm while searching for something in his pocket. The younger shrugged when his friends looked questioningly at him and hoped at the same time, his cheek weren’t as red as they felt. Confusion was clearly written on his face when Wonho pulled out a lollipop and gave it Changkyun. While having a wide and smile on his face.

 

This boy was too precious for the world, but it didn’t take away Changkyun’s confusion.

 

The youngest couldn’t tell how much time passed – even though Minhyuk told him afterwards, it were a good 30 seconds – in which Wonho just stared at him, eyes sparkling with happiness. He was incredibly beautiful at this moment and Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to ask, what the lollipop was meant for. It just came out of nowhere and so randomly.

 

A few people in the background started to cough audibly and pulled Wonho from his trance – was it one? Changkyun couldn’t even tell, he was probably in one himself, but his body felt so warm from Wonhos hand and he wished it would never leave him again. ”Oh, sorry. It’s from Minyoung. She ordered me to give it to you. And also tell you, she misses you a lot.“ Changkyun’s mouth opened in surprise about that and a comfortable warmth spread through his body. He smiled as he watched Wonho, who nervously bit on one of his bottom lip piercings – it was silver again. Changkyun wanted to bite it himself so badly and taste the soft flesh. His mouth became dry and he coughed lightly, voice a little broken while talking, ”Thanks, tell her I miss her too.“ Wonho nodded, a soft smile grazing his lips and a second later he was gone.

 

Changkyun wasn’t sure, but he could swear Wonhos thumb drew a few little circles before going away.

 

  
_The spot burned for the rest of the day and Changkyun liked it._

 

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

 

  
It was Wednesday.

 

The sun was merciless and burning hot. Having classes by such a weather was horrible, especially for Changkyun who liked it cold. Still, he enjoyed having two free lessons while his friends didn’t.

 

”You’re a life saver Changkyun! This stupid assistant is never there, when I actually need him.“ He smiled and told their school nurse – Mrs. Chae – that it was alright. Changkyun saw her a few minutes ago struggling with a lot of documents on her arms and of course, he had to help her. Generally, he helped a lot of teachers when they asked him to, because it was hard for him to say no. At the same time it made him happy having helped someone, so it became normal for him. They were heading to the infirmary room and talked a little.

 

An odd feeling overcame Changkyun as they stood infront of the door, but he couldn’t really point out the reason. Which changed immediately as she opened the door and told him to put all the stuff on the table beside him. But he couldn’t really move. Surprised, he stayed by the door and looked at the bed infront of him.

 

Or more at Wonho, who was sitting on said bed – and Changkyun shouldn’t be that affected by a smile anymore. ( _But he was_ )

 

Beside his smile, Wonho was also looking questioningly at him and Changkyun thought about how absurd that was. _It should be the other way around!_ Especially after actually scanning Wonhos appearance, because these wounds weren’t on his face yesterday! ”Hey, Changkyunie.“ He lifted his arm like always and even there was blood and a few cuts.

 

 

_What the fuck happened?_

 

 

”Oh, you two know each other?“ Mrs. Chae seemed surprised and Changkyun jerked out of his shock, finally placing the documents onto the table. He nodded simply, Wonho probably doing the same – he was avoiding his eyes. The nurse sighed overdramatically, ”Well, maybe you can help me Changkyun-ah. Your friend over there won’t let me stitch him up, try convincing him instead of me. At least the bad cuts should be bandaged up.“ She seemed a little angry but at the same time worried, while looking at Wonho. Latter was laughing a bit, ”It’s nothing to worry about, I told you already. Don’t drag Changkyun into this.“ His voice sounded sweet but Changkyun could hear the silent danger behind it, and a cold shiver ran down his spine. Shocked, he looked at Wonho and he should have expected the older already watching him. ”Wonho, don’t try your weird alpha stuff on me. I have a husband like you, and I’m immune to it. Anyways, my break starts now. Changkyun, I’m gonna allow you to stay here if you want and please try to somehow convince him.“ With that she left. He squirmed under Wonhos intense gaze and thought about running away, but decided against it – his curiosity was stronger and wanted to know what exactly happened.

 

Changkyun stepped a little closer but kept a good distance between them, so his mind would stay clear. His eyes scanned Wonho again; face badly injured with open lip and skin, his arms having less wounds but still bleeding (and maybe his tattoos were covering a lot up, Changkyun couldn’t tell) and only now did he realize, that Wonhos Shirt was unbuttoned. He'd like to take the image of Wonhos beautiful abs in but Changkyun’s concentration was rather on the bruises turning to different shades of blue, green and yellow. It looked really bad and he couldn’t even imagine how much it might hurt, cringing while trying it. ”Don’t pull that face, it looks worse than it actually is.“ Changkyun didn’t believe him. He saw how Wonho tried to hide his pained grimace when something hurt. ”Why didn’t you let her stitch you up, she is the school nurse, it’s her job.“ Changkyun didn’t even try to hide his confusion.

 

  
And then he noticed something, he didn’t before.

Wonho seemed different. At least his eyes. And his smile was also fake.

The older seemed closed off and guarded. Something he usually did to everyone. Except Changkyun. But not now. He did the same to Changkyun, even though Wonho tried to hide it with a fake smile. Changkyun saw the coldness in his eyes and his body visibly tensing up. It somehow broke his heart a little. He was too used being surrounded by Wonhos happy and sweet side, that he forget about his other 'personality'.

 

  
”Believe it or not, but I’m kinda used to this. I can take care of myself and the only reason I’m still here is because of Hyunwoo sleeping like a rock.“ Changkyun tried to ignore the hurting 'pang' to his heart while listening to the cold voice, but filled with sarcasm. He concealed it with fake curiosity, as he looked to the other bed and actually saw Hyunwoo sleeping sound asleep, snoring a little. At least that one was intelligent enough to let the woman do her job, was he covered in bandages and plasters. ”Well, at least he let her help him.“ Changkyun voiced his thoughts out and heard Wonho scoff. More and more he regretted that he entered the room, but he didn’t want to leave at the same time. Something told him to stay, although Wonhos words and cold behavior hurt him.

 

”At least the bigger injuries. Your whole stomach is covered in bruises, she can put ointment on it and a bandage around. It could get worse if you don’t.“ Wonho didn’t even answer him. He stared at Changkyun with his intense gaze, which was so different to the other ones. It still made him squirm but he didn’t look away. ”I worry about you, okay?“ he felt his face heat up, and he also stuttered a little. But he meant it.

 

”I don’t need your fake worry, I get enough from others.“ Changkyun’s eyes widened and the words hurt. He was ready to finally snap but ignored it. Suddenly his eyes saw the fresh blood on Wonhos face and he was panicking a little. ”Your temple is bleeding!“ Alarmed, Changkyun tried to find something useful to stop the bleeding. In the background he heard Wonho cursing and hissing, while muttering 'Again?'. When Changkyun came back to him – now by his side and leaving the stuff he found on the bed -, Wonhos right hand was also covered in blood. A bad attempt to stop it. ”Let me.“ He muttered, while grabbing a big cotton ball and moving it towards the wound – he also had no idea what he should do to be honest, his first aid lesson was a few years ago and his instinct told him to somehow stop the bleeding with anything he could find.

 

  
Suddenly, his hand was stopped by Wonho, holding his wrist in a strong grip. It hurt a little, but he ignored the pain and looked stubbornly at Wonho. ”I can do it myself, just go. I don’t need you.“

 

 

Fucking Wonho and his fucking hurtful words.

Changkyun felt like choking.

 

  
”Ok, look. I don’t care if you think my worry is fake, because I know it’s not. Half of your fucking face is covered in blood and I’m trying really hard not to faint. So please .. just shut up for five minutes and let me do this hyung.“ The grip on his wrist loosened and Changkyun tried to ignore his dumbness for calling the older 'hyung' in a situation like this. Immediately, he pressed the cotton ball to the bleeding wound and it was soaked in only a few seconds. He tossed it on the metal plate he put on the bed and took another one. Changkyun was a little pissed off and he didn’t try to hide it, his deep frown and knitted eyebrows clearly visible. Stubbornly, he avoided Wonhos eyes starring at him.

 

_Well_ , he tried.

 

But his tensed shoulders relaxed, when he felt Wonhos right hand on his waist - not thinking about the dried blood maybe staining his clothes-, drawing little circles. He sighed and let their gazes meet, and there they were: Wonhos gentle brown eyes, warm and soft and how he liked them the most. His heartbeat sped up and his stomach was doing flips. ”Sorry, I didn’t mean the things I said to you. I was angry, but not at you. It was still wrong. _Fuck_ ..“ Changkyun smiled and he hated himself for it – he forgave Wonho too easily, but he couldn’t help himself. „It’s okay, doesn’t change the fact you acted like an asshole. Answer a few questions, and I can maybe forgive you.“ Of course he would forgive him anyways, but he wanted to see how much he can get out of the older. Wonho didn’t seem surprised or angry and smiled instead while nodding – and Changkyun lost himself for a moment, he really thought a angel was sitting infront of him for a second. Mentally he slapped himself for that stupid thought and tried to not look surprised over Wonhos agreement.

 

” _So_ .. what exactly happened? Were you two fighting with each other?“ his heart fluttered as Wonho laughed slightly and shook his head. ”No, we didn’t.“ Changkyun looked expectedly at him and noted incidentally, that the bleeding stopped but he continued pressing the cotton ball into other spots also bleeding lightly. He would need water to clean this mess up. ”We did fight with other guys. Originally we were a lot more, but our group kinda split up. These guys weren’t even in our college and came here, just to start a fight. Reasoning it with something like 'us acting all mighty' and 'being assholes' and stuff. When they realized, that they were losing, most of them started to run away. I told my group to follow them, while Hyunwoo and I stayed with two guys who didn’t give up. Well, we got caught by the principal and left after explaining the situation, because we weren’t the one at fault. He wanted to call the police I guess. So much drama and stress for nothing. It really pissed me off. And students spreading all kinds of rumors again, like they didn’t have an own life. It surprised me you didn’t know about it.“ Changkyun was surprised himself. It felt odd, because he didn’t see Wonho the whole day, but other than that. There were a lot more whisperers around the school, but he was used to ignoring them.

 

”What were the rumors saying?“ carefully he took the hand away from his waist to look for a bowl. He filled it with water and returned to Wonho, latter waiting patiently for him before answering – his hand finding its way back to Changkyun’s waist. „The usual bullshit: We started the fight, overdramatizing everything, saying I beat up at least five guys alone – which is ridiculous, but who cares. The principal thought we were lying, but we told him to look at the surveillance cameras, because we had nothing to hide. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea also running after them, but well.“ Changkyun nodded and washed the blood away. It wasn’t actually that bad: his bottom lip was split open – but thankfully his piercings weren’t ripped off-, as well as a few smaller bruises. The worst was the wound on his temple. Changkyun did what he could, but he didn’t want to make it worse now. A professional should take over at this point. His gaze wandered over the many wounds on Wonhos beautiful sculpted body. Changkyun’s eyes fixed themselves at the dragoon tattoo, still covered by the shirt and telling Changkyun, that its body was on Wonhos left chest.

 

”Why didn’t you let Mrs. Chae stitch you up? Some of these look really bad.“ He had to pull himself together, to not drive over one of the wounds. They seemed magnetic and he wanted to caress them carefully and kiss the pain away. ”I hate it when people touch me. Was like this since I can remember.“ Immediately Changkyun looked up, his eyes widen in shock and surprise. ”Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I had no idea! I’m sorry if my touches made you uncomfortable ..“ nervously and full of guilt, he was biting on his lower lip. Wonhos eyes followed his movement, and for a moment his breath got caught, seeing a flickering darkness in Wonhos gaze.

 

”Don’t be. Somehow, you appear to be an exception for it and I don’t even know why. _You seem to be special_.“ Changkyun’s heart skipped a beat and he turned speechless. The softness of Wonhos voice was clouding his mind and without realizing it, he nestled against the sudden warm hand on his cheek. His thumb carefully caressed his skin and Changkyun couldn’t help but melt under the gentle touch. Wonho lent towards him and he took in the heavenly smell of Parfum and probably Wonhos natural smell. A hot breath hit his mouth.

 

The next thing he knew, a soft pair of lips was suddenly pressed against his. Changkyun was surprised for a moment, his mind taking in the different tastes: the bitterness of blood, the metal from the piercings and the softness of angelic lips. He watched Wonho close his eyes – a breathing picture itself – and felt his lips move against Changkyun’s. He hesitated for a slight moment and then, just like this, returned the kiss. Their movements were careful and gentle and Changkyun loved every second of it. He couldn’t even fight the sigh leaving his lips, while enjoying the warmth spreading through his whole body. Wonhos lips also felt a little dry and somehow, Changkyun loved them even more because of it. His right hand wandered from his side and found itself to Wonhos nape. He let his fingers caress the short hair and pulled a little, coaxing a little moan out of Wonho.

 

 

That’s when his lips stopped moving and pulled away from Wonho, as if lightning hit them suddenly.

 

 

He looked at Wonho and latter had his eyes still closed, mouth lightly open and his hot breath hitting Changkyun's face. And as beautiful as it looked, Changkyun had to get away. His body trembled and he just knew, he had to get away to make it stop.

 

 

And Wonho smiled out of nowhere, his eyes still closed. ” _It’s alright, go_.“

 

 

His eyes stayed close as Changkyun carefully moved his body away.

 

They stayed closed as Changkyun mumbled a silent ”Sorry.“

 

And they probably stayed closed, as he opened the door and shut it behind him, without looking back. ( _Maybe Wonho has done so as to not watch him go, and the thought broke his heart_ )

 

 

He was walking away, more and more guilt overtaking his heart. But he couldn’t walk back. His body still trembled and he needed the distance to sort everything out.

 

 

 

_Absentmindedly he touched his lips and still felt Wonhos on them, tingling like crazy and craving them already back._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> U know, I start my chapters with the thought 'This time you will make it! Only 2000 words! Not more and not less!'
> 
> Yeah, and than I end up writing thrice as much.
> 
> Uff, it's actually over soon. I planned the third part to be the last.  
> If you have suggestions for this au, tell me. I will let it incomplete even after the last part, because I thought about one with in Wonhos POV?


	3. No secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3^^
> 
> Again, thank you so much for the comments on the last part, I was really happy and continued writing as soon as I wasn't sick anymore!
> 
> This should also be the last part to this story, but please read the end notes for some important informations about that!
> 
> Enjoy!<3

 

 

 

Changkyun was acting like a coward again.

 

_And an asshole._

 

_And he knew it._

 

 

But he also couldn’t change it. Not even after seeing Wonhos expression a day later – the senior ignoring everyone around him and obviously lost in thoughts, while sadness and concern were shimmering in his eyes. Changkyun’s heart ached by the sight and he was so close to run to Wonho, wrap his short arms around his broad shoulders and just confess his fucking love like an idiot.

 

Who needs _dignity_?

_Fuck that!_

 

His bold thoughts didn’t really match his actions in reality. Even while watching Wonho bath in sadness and confusion, Changkyun didn’t move from his place behind a wall, successfully hiding from the man of his dreams leaning against the lockers. Because, said man _kissed_ Changkyun without any warning. And said man _confused_ Changkyun to the point of ripping his hair off. Said man was creeping more and more into his heart, and it was _scaring_ Changkyun to point of running away from these feelings. He hated thinking back to this day, but he didn’t know what else to do ..

 

After their kiss ( _and Changkyun’s heroic run away_ ), he needed to calm down. His head was spinning, his heart beating loudly in his ears and stomach doing flips. Everything tingled in a weird and confusing way. He sat down on one of the benches and was suddenly lost in thought. _About Wonho._ Because he didn’t understand one bit, what was happening between them.

  
It started off as his one-sided crush on the older, which Changkyun _really didn’t mind_. Of course, he fantasized a lot and about the possibility of Wonho liking him back (maybe having a relationship afterwards, being together while Changkyun was in college and Wonho finished it, enjoying years as a couple, getting married, adopting kids- _he should stop there_ ). Still, he never intended or was lost in a pointless hope of them possibly getting together. All Changkyun wanted was to know more about the older, because something told him, that Wonho wasn’t what he showed everyone – _and he was right_.

 

  
Wonho was outside of school _cute_ , sometimes a little awkward, a loveable person when it’s about his sister and easy to get along with.  
So yeah, Changkyun fell in love with this hidden side from Wonho he got to know. And still, he could have gotten over this love, if it wasn’t for Wonho fucking it up! With always being there, and smiling, and sparking eyes, and _bitten lips pressed against his_.

  
Changkyun groaned, lips prickling with the memory a few minutes ago. He bit his lower lip, fingers carefully grazing it. His heart told him how stupid be was; running away from this perfect moment with Wonho and ruining his chance. But his head was screaming something different; that he should stay away from Wonho and run even further. That being with Wonho was a stupid idea and he shouldn’t be involved with the older. That his intentions weren’t even clear and it could all be a facade to trick Changkyun into a heartless joke. That someone as beautiful and breathtaking as Wonho couldn’t want or like _Changkyun_ – boring, normal and loud Changkyun (his last ex told him, how much he regretted dating Changkyun; labelled it as ” _Wasted Time_ “; and Changkyun always denied it when Jooheon asked, but it hurt really bad and an invisible scar was made on his heart; trusting someone again was difficult since then).

 

Changkyun sat there, thinking and starring into nothing. He wanted to trust Wonho, but his past didn’t let him. And as much as he wanted to run back – probably sweating like a waterfall in the process – and jump onto Wonho while pampering him with cheesey kisses, he _couldn’t_. Changkyun felt tears in his eyes and he scoffed, because he hadn’t been crying for years. So he stood up and roughly rubbed at his eyes, while walking back to his apartment without looking back.

 

 

And he didn’t make the same mistake like last time. Well, he didn’t have the chance. While sitting in their living room and watching some shit on TV, he ate their last portion of ice cream and tried to forget the day. Suddenly, all his friends barged in at once, watching him with confused eyes before Minhyuk took the lead and asked for explanations. Changkyun didn’t even have the strength to deny something from happening and just told them, also talking about his feelings and fear. Of his ex and the left doubt in love – Jooheon cursing the guy for the hundredth time in two years. They knew, nothing could change Changkyun’s way of thinking and feeling to this. And they didn’t want to. As his friends, they listened to his worries and comforted him as best as they could. No one knew Wonhos real intentions and no one could say with certainty, that it wasn’t a sick joke. ( _”I don’t know this dude, but I mean, it’s just weird right? He is all cold and unreachable, and suddenly 'bam!' he is lovey dovey with Chanie? I’m his best friend, and I don’t trust this guy one bit!_ “ Jooheon seemed a little more rational, after not being drunk and actually thinking about Changkyun’s situation).

 

The others were also confused. At least Kihyun was certain of his opinion. ”I wouldn’t say he is that kind of person. Like you said, his personality keeps everyone at distance and in the last three years he wasn’t even in _one_ relationship – at least not in school. And their group never seemed to have any assholes, who would actually do something like that. It just doesn’t fit. Who knows, maybe you made him really fall in love with you Chanie.“ Latter shook his head adorably while hiding behind his hands. This conversation made him even more confused than before!

 

”Am I the only one seeing it as romantic?? Like, he was _hurt_ and _defenseless_ and _vulnerable_ , while his only desire was to kiss Changkyunie! _And_! Like a true prince, he forget his own well-being for his true love with sending you away. I think I’m gonna faint, _someone catch me_.“ Overdramatically, Jackson squealed while falling to the ground from his sitting position – and whining because no one actually catched him. “Well, it was somehow nice. And he felt really good and warm. And yeah, he didn’t even question my reaction, as if he knew what was going on. Everything was just kinda confusing and I panicked. And I know we should probably talk about it, but I just want some distance for a few days and organize my thoughts.“ His friends watched him concerned. Nonetheless, nodded and supported him as much as they could.

 

 

And the next days he did, what he promised himself.

  
_No confrontation with Wonho_.

 

 

It wasn’t that hard comparing it to the last time, because Wonho seemed to avoid him too – which somehow hurt, but he hadn’t the right to complain. Still, it was anything but easy for Changkyun, watching Wonho at least once or twice a day, while mostly being hidden or covered.  
He couldn’t help but to imagine, that he was the reason for Wonhos concern. That Changkyun meant something to the older. _That it wasn’t only a stupid one-sided crush_.

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

”Chanie, you sure you want to stay here? A distraction could help you, you know. Thinking about Wonho all the time won’t help you anyway. It’s Sunday already and you didn’t even _once_ get out of your room!“ Changkyun sighed, not looking up while scrolling through his Instagram. He knew his friends meant well – especially Jooheon, who was as protective as a lion mother – but he wasn’t in the mood for a party. ”Just go already, I’m gonna be fine and watch some movies to relax. Call me if something happens or you get too drink to come home yourself. Please, _no police station_ again Hyung.“ Jooheon laughed seemingly by the memory, but nodded while rolling his eyes. He waved as goodbye and heard the door close a few minutes later.

 

Changkyun fell backwards into his pillow and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. It was relaxing, being alone for the first time since days. He knew it was still early – about 4 p.m. – because the guys wanted to drink before going to the club. Changkyun was thinking about taking a nap before ordering pizza later. He yawned lightly and laid an arm over his eyes, to prevent the sun from blinding him. A few minutes probably past and he was slowly dozing off, when his phone vibrated in his other hand. The feeling startled him awake and disoriented he looked at it, squinting his eyes in confusion. Changkyun could only think about Jooheon writing him and probably whining a last time for not joining them. He was close to just ignore it, but there was also the possibility of it being something serious. Sighing, Changkyun flipped his phone around and unlocked it.

Only after going onto his chats, did Changkyun realize who actually wrote him – and it wasn’t Jooheon nor his other friends. He looked at the simple ' _Hey_ ' and was shocked for a few seconds.  
Wonho wrote him. He wrote a stupid ' _Hey_ ' at Changkyun. It was weird, because they never texted. And seeing know-:

  
**Wonho-hyung** :  
(16:05) _Hey_

  
-On his chat, wasn’t good for his sudden increase of heartbeat. He weighed his options and faster than he wished, his finger decided to reply already. He was so whipped, he couldn’t believe it. Almost none bit of resistance left in him.

 

  
**Changkyun** :  
(16:07)  _?_

 

  
**Wonho-hyung** :  
(16:08) _I hope u didn’t delate my number already?_

 

  
**Changkyun** :  
(16:08) _No, but what do u want? Did something happen hyung?_

 

  
**Wonho-hyung** :  
(16:09) _Nah, just wanted to talk to you, we haven’t seen each other in the last few days._

(16:10) _Kinda missed u._

(16:10) _And got worried maybe._

(16:11) _U alright?_

  
Reading the texts, Changkyun couldn’t help but blush. His cheeks were burning and his mouth was smiling brightly, without his consent. Even his fingers betrayed him and trembled while writing a reply.

 

  
**Changkyun** :  
(16:11) _Yeah, I’m fine and sry for worrying u. Everything’s good._

 

 **Wonho-hyung** :  
(16:12) _Alright, that calms me down_

(16:12) _There was something else I wanted to ask_

(16:13) Did u have plans for today or are u free?

 

  
Changkyun’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He couldn’t understand Wonho, or what he wanted right now.

 

  
**Changkyun** :  
(16:13) _I’m free, the guys went to a club, but I declined. Why r u asking?_

 

 **Wonho-hyung** :  
(16:13) _Well, my sister and I are on the playground again._

(16:14) _She asks daily for u and I may or may not have promised her u would join us today._

(16:14) _Pls?_

 

  
He sighed and tried to be annoyed but honestly, it wasn’t working in the slightest. His smile didn’t leave his lips and he shook his head adoringly. Fucking whipped.

 

  
**Changkyun** :  
(16:15) _On my way_

 

 

  
Despite coming there as his own decision, he regretted it as soon as he saw Wonho in the distance, his dyed hair shimmering in the sun and piercings shining. He was more than nervous and his heart was beating like crazy against his ribcage. Changkyun was this close to just turn around and run away, like the last time his panik took over. But he couldn’t. He was there for a reason and surprisingly, it wasn’t for Wonho.

  
“ _Kyunie_!!“ immediately, a smile plastered itself on his face and he walked a bit faster towards the girl running in his direction. She giggled loudly, as Changkyun lifted her up and hugged her. “I missed you!“ Wonho was approaching from behind her and stood with crossed arms, his expression not readable for Changkyun. “I missed you too princess.“ He couldn’t take his eyes off Wonho, a weird tension surrounding them, but the little girl didn’t seem to notice something unusual. “You know, I asked Hoseokie many times if you would join us again, but he always told me to wait. And today he promised you would come, I’m really happy!“ _Yeah_ , Changkyun couldn’t be mad at Wonho. If he had Minyoung as a sister, he would probably do the same. “I’m sorry it took me so long, next time it’s gonna be earlier, I promise.“ The girl nodded happily and with that, Changkyun put her down. She grabbed Changkyun’s hand and pulled him towards Wonho, saying they should also greet each other.

 

Changkyun coughed uncomfortably and opened his mouth to say something, eyes avoiding Wonhos face but he was interrupted. ”Thanks for showing up this fast, I wasn’t sure if …“ Changkyun looked at him when Wonho didn’t finish his sentence, seeming unsure and pulling at a piercing with his teeth. A quick memory flashes before his eyes and how close he was, to do the same movement. Guilt took over for a moment, that he couldn’t enjoy their kiss as much as he wanted, blinded by his confusion. But he shook these emotions and pictures out of his head, because this day wasn’t about them. So he smiled cutely instead, not showing his confused mind, ”I told you I would come, don’t worry next time.“ Wonho looked at him surprised, but nodded afterwards, his tongue licking over his lips nervously – and Changkyun couldn’t help himself but to follow this movement, felling his throat drying out in the process.

 

”I’m thirsty, let’s buy something to drink Hoseokie! Please?“ Wonho chuckled and Changkyun was relieved for the quick distraction.

 

 

  
Their day proceeded almost the same as last time, just without ice cream. Also, Changkyun and Wonho hadn’t really talked since the meeting. Minyoung was mostly between them, happily talking and holding Changkyun’s hand – refusing her brothers, who acted hurt but got rudely ignored by his sister. At one point, she wanted to go to the slides and Changkyun agreed joining her. He looked expectedly at Wonho, who slimed while shaking his head. Minyoung was suddenly speaking up, mischief in her voice, ”The last time Hoseokie tried going with me, he made a little girl cry and the mother lectured him for the tattoos and piercings! It was really funny!“ Changkyun chucked lightly, as he watched Wonho roll his eyes, ” _Well_ , it wasn’t really funny for me, now go already before I change my mind.“ He adored the grumpy face Wonho pulled and had to hold back as to not coo while pinching his cheeks (he never thought, he could have thoughts like these about Wonho). ”Don’t worry, it won’t take long.“ He pat Wonho on the shoulder and ran away with Minyoung.

They played, climbed on stuff, used the slide and run around until the little girl was slowly getting out of breath. Changkyun ignored it, but he felt the boring eyes the whole time on his figure and he didn’t have to look up to know, that a smile was grazing Wonhos lips.

 

  
They found themselves by the swings again, Minyoung laughing and enjoying her time alone. Changkyun wanted to stay by her side but she got rid of him pretty fast. The swings were seemingly only for her and Changkyun sighed, while sitting down beside Wonho, just like the last time. ”I don’t even get her obsession with this swing. Every time we come here, she waits till the end before going here and she always takes the same one. It’s almost a tradition at this point.“ Amused, Wonho smiled while observing his sister. Changkyun hummed, watching the older from the corner of his eyes. ”As long as she has fun it’s ok I guess. She seems to love it here a lot.“ Wonho nodded, a little lost in thoughts as he talks again, ”Yeah, we come here since she was little. This playground is close to our home, it was the easiest to get to. I tried to convince her in trying others, but she insisted on this one and I didn’t complain. I like it here. Never saw someone I know and could enjoy the peace and quiet the place brought.“

It was weird. Listening to Wonhos voice and hearing him talk that much. Changkyun was lost in the melodic voice, which soothed him into a calming trance. He was quiet, but still above whispering and sounded lost, like he didn’t want to say his thoughts aloud.

 

”I know what you mean, I stayed here for the same reason. It’s really peaceful and a beautiful gateway. Also, sorry for kinda intruding yours I guess?“ he scratched his nape out of guilt. ”No, _don't_ , you’re a part of it now.“ Changkyun didn’t expect that and his eyes widen in surprise. He tried to not show, how flustered the words made him. According to Wonhos knowing grins, he didn’t do a good job.

 

  
His red cheeks and nervous bites on his lower lip probably gave it off.

_But not even once did they talk about the kiss._

 

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

 

Their meeting became something regular.

 

On the following week, Wonho asked him again to meet up and he didn’t even have to think about it, before agreeing. It was always the same and something about it was calming Changkyun. And they would again end up by the swing, Minyoung giggling, while they sat on the grass and either talked or enjoyed the quiet. Changkyun didn’t even protest, when Wonho leaned against him and put his head on Changkyun’s shoulder, ” _Just a little_.“ Wonho said, while sounding vulnerable and sad. He didn’t say anything and bit his bottom lip, ignoring the temptation to comb through soft hair and show Wonho, that he was there.

 

By his side.

 

Not leaving.

 

 

(It wasn’t just a little in the end, but the whole hour they stayed before leaving. No one commented it.)

 

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

 

The next week, it was the same again. (They also started acknowledging each other again, which confused their friends. Changkyun felt bad, but kept shut while being bombarded with questions, saying it’s more private and that everything was alright for now. They were pissed but kept quiet, when Changkyun bought them food for dinner.)

 

They met up, bought something to eat and enjoyed the weather. Changkyun tried to ignore Wonhos exposed arms, his muscles flexing with every movement and driving Changkyun slowly crazy. _He really tried_ , but it wasn’t easy.

 

Again, they found themselves by the swings and relaxed. It had something comforting and Changkyun understood more and more, why Minyoung liked it so much. His worries seemed so much smaller while being here and talking was also a lot easier. Wonho and him almost never spoke while walking around, but as soon as they got to this place, the tension disappeared between them.

 

  
”You know, I didn’t regret kissing you. I would do the same again.“

 

Changkyun tried to hide his smile.

 

  
” _I didn’t either_.“

 

  
And if they shared an innocent kiss as goodbye, no one had to know. Minyoung watched them with a knowing grin.

 

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

 

They texted a lot more under the weekend. Sometimes, they even met up at places without Minyoung, to enjoy their time together.

  
He loved sitting at a coffee shop, Wonho opposite him and enjoying their drinks. It was cheesey, but he loved leaving his hand on the table and feeling Wonhos fingers caressing it softly, or taking Changkyun’s small hand in his big and rough one, wrapping it up completely – his thumb still drawing little circles. He savoured every second of it.

 

Even more, as Wonho pulled him up and looked suspiciously around, before walking to the toilets. Changkyun was confused and didn’t understand, but his heart was beating rapidly and the air got thicker around him. Wide eyed, Changkyun watched Wonho enter through the door and pushed him immediately against a wall, caging him with his hands beside Changkyun’s head. Wonho leaned in dangerously close, and he felt a warm breath hitting his skin, smelling of the ice tea he drank before. Changkyun couldn’t move, his eyes half lidded and own breath coming out haltingly. Wonhos body was also unbearably close to his, that Changkyun almost felt his heat radiating to his own body. Eyes moved over his face, not stopping for a second and taking the chance in proximity to scan Wonhos beautiful appearance. His natural brown orbs shimmering with longing and happiness – an intoxicating feeling rushing through his veins by that look. Even in close up, his skin was pure perfection, not one scar to be found and white as porcelain.

 

  
_His lips._

 

  
It seemed so long ago, when they first kissed – hastily and with confused minds.  
The second was pure and innocent, only a few seconds, but full of emotions while parting.

  
He wanted to kiss these lips so bad, it started to physically hurt him, not having them pressed against his own. Changkyun craved them, he needed them, he wanted to bite into them and loose himself in the process.

 

  
” _Wonho.._ “

 

  
Latter stuttered out a breath against his lips, licking them while his eyes clouded by hearing Changkyun‘s whimpering voice.

 

  
” _I know_.“

 

  
And there they were again.

 

Their mouths pressed against each other, finally one again and not separating abruptly this time.  
It was so fucking different. Every little cell in him could feel the difference in this kiss. The sudden electricity shuddering his whole body, goose bumps everywhere he could think of, his mind in a daze while closing his eyes and letting himself fall into the soft clouds. His hands grabbed the fabric of Wonhos shirt and in another situation he would care more to not rip it apart.

 

Changkyun had to lean up to deepen the kiss more, their mouths following a rhythm no one knew of except them. Wonho leaned his head to the side, claiming more of Changkyun’s lips. It was like music, hearing their mouths move against each other and the wet noises they made. Wonhos hand wandered to his hip, and his back arched into the touch, soft whimper leaving his mouth without approval. But Wonho appeared to love it, silently cursing in their kiss, before deepening it even more. Changkyun didn’t have to think twice and let the tongue invade his cavern. A hand lost itself in Wonhos hair, running through it and pulling carefully, loving the pleased groans from the older. Especially, while finally pulling at a piercing with his lips, lightly sucking on it and even eliciting a moan of Wonho.

 

  
_Fuck_ , it made him so aroused.

He wouldn’t even mind being fucked against this wall.

 

  
”You drive me crazy. _So fucking crazy_.“ Changkyun smiled at the breathless sound, opening his eyes. It was him, who made Wonho like this: red cheeks, lidded eyes filled with lust and want and adoration, lips swollen and also red, piercings glistening with his saliva.

 

  
They were grinning at each other.

 

  
And a few moments later, they were caught and thrown out, banned from ever entering again. But neither of them cared, laughing and running hand in hand away.

 

  
It was fucking perfect.

 

Wonho was perfect.

 

  
As they ran, Wonho was in front of him and pulling Changkyun. Latter lost his breath for a moment, when Wonho looked back at him, _laughing_ , and the sun falling perfectly onto his face which let Changkyun believe, _he had actually seen an angel for a second._

 

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

 

Changkyun knew, there were some secrets about Wonho. Secrets he kept from Changkyun, and both knew it.

 

They mostly stayed away from each other in college (ignoring the few times they left their friends for a little meeting and silent kisses. It was perfect.). It would have been too stressful befriending both groups, so they stayed with their short waves and little smiles while seeing each other.

 

Nonetheless, Changkyun saw, that something wasn’t alright with Wonho. His mood down on the day and thoughts seemingly lost somewhere Changkyun couldn’t tell. His smile not sincere and half-heartedly, while walking past the younger, who was getting more and more worried. Even more after realizing, that this expression on Wonho wasn’t something new. To be more precise, it was quite frequently on the senior in the past. Changkyun stamped it as a bad day for Wonho and couldn’t do much to change the depressed look in his eyes. It was frustrating. Also now, when their relationship changed so drastically, but this feeling, as if Wonho was still this unreachable human being, remained as painful as ever.

 

  
Because of these secrets the older kept.

 

_But-_

 

Secrets existed to be found, right? (And something in his stomach told him, he would discover some today and he should be emotionally prepared.)

 

 

  
So, he expected Wonhos message already, telling him to come to the playground – even though it was Friday instead of Sunday like usual. Changkyun didn’t mind his short and demanding text – ' _Come to the playground_ ' nothing else attached – and agreed immediately, already out of the apartment while texting. He ignored Jooheons surprised and questioning gaze, and also the following calls of his name and were he was going. Changkyun didn’t really run, but he jogged lightly. Something forced him – desperately pulled him – towards the park, his head telling him to hurry up for some unknown reason.

 

He got their in less than 10 minutes – while it usually took him 25, when he took his time – and spotted two known figures, sitting on the bench where they had been talking for the first time. Standing infront of them, but still a few meters away, he was shocked to see Minyoung cry. Little fists rubbing at her eyes, which were overflowing with salty tears and bright red. Wonho sat beside her, long arms protectively wrapped around her tiny body and hands trying to calm her down, while whispering things Changkyun couldn’t here.

 

  
Ironically, she resembled the day they met.

 

  
He shook his head and walked towards them, falling on his knees before Minyoung and asking what happened. Instead of an answer, the girl let out a louder sob and in the next moment, tiny arms were wrapped around his neck and a face was pressed on his shoulder. Changkyun was surprised, but immediately wrapped his own arms around the crying girl. Automatically, his gaze wandered towards Wonho, who nervously bit onto his lower lip. To his astonishment, his eyes were filled with unshed tears, a mixture of frustration and sadness glistening in them. ”Sorry for the sudden call, she desperately wanted to see you. _Me too_.“ Changkyun didn’t say anything, but nodded reassuringly. It was alright.

 

They kept quiet, Changkyun ignoring the questions rushing through his head. Wanting to ask, but keeping shut for the sake of the girl in his arms. They sat for at least half an hour on the bench, Minyoung on his lap and mostly hiccuping at that point. Wonho was beside him, their shoulders touching but not more. Changkyun wanted to hug him desperately, but he knew he couldn’t. _At least not now_ – on a playground with children and their judging parents. Also, he knew he wouldn’t let Wonho go, once their arms were wrapped around each other. (But he still wanted to. His only way to share Wonhos sadness was to lightly graze his hand, when he rubbed calming circles onto Minyoungs back. Changkyun would glance to his side, receiving a tiny but thankful smile.)

 

 

  
It was funny, how they would end up by the swing like always, an hour later. Minyoung had calmed down and was nipping at her orange juice, while lightly swinging. She seemed lost in her own thoughts. All of them.

 

  
”It was kinda an bad day today. Had to get her out in a hurry and .. yeah.“ Changkyun looked to his side, Wonho avoiding his gaze by playing with the holes in his jeans. They were further away from Minyoung than usual, leaning against a tree and having a bit more privacy from curious eyes. His hand sneaked its way towards Wonhos, linking them together and hiding them between their hips. He squeezed softly, showing Wonho his presence and support. That he could talk and Changkyun would listen. The older couldn’t hide his little smile, licking his bottom lip and sighing in the end. It was this kind of sigh you did, when you prepared your heart and body to open up to someone else; tell them something about you, only a few selected people knew. Full of sadness and suppressed emotions, that could finally be spilled out.

 

  
”You know, it might not sound like a big deal for others, but it is for me- _for us_.“ He seemed unsure, mindlessly using his free hand to play with his lip piercing. Changkyun scratched Wonhos skin lightly with his thumbnail, trying to be reassuring. It helps. ”My dad is the problem. You know, he was always the quiet type, not talking about himself or problems- _or anything_ , really. We were never that close to him, keeping at distance and sticking to our mother. At one point, around three years ago, things started to go downhill.“ He coughed slightly, gaze fixed ahead of him and often wandering to his sister. ”It changed drastically, _how he acted_. Suddenly coming home drunk, getting aggressive and yelling around without a reason. I tried to get answers from my mom, but she vaguely explained it being connected to the firm my dad was working under. He was earning good money there, and he wasn’t fired from it or anything. I thought, that maybe some problems occurred and things would go back to normal, but they didn’t. It became worse instead.“ He paused, his hand gripping Changkyun’s painfully, but latter didn’t say a word. The puzzle in his head was forming itself more and more to an explainable picture. But he kept quiet, wanting to hear everything before jumping to conclusions.

 

”He started to drink at home. Never sober enough to answer my question, _what the fuck happened_ to reason his acting. That’s when he started to get violent. It- it was bad over the first year, but I began exercising and protecting myself. So he started hitting my mother, a few times even _slapping_ Minyoung, when I wasn’t acting fast enough ... I try to protect both of them, but it’s not easy, he keeps himself fit when he’s not drinking – _fucking bastard_. I told my mom so many times to divorce, but she keeps on insisting ' _he would change_ ’ and ' _it's a phase, it’s not easy for him_ '. Fucking excuses, she probably believes them herself.“ He scoffed, and Changkyun saw the tears welling up in his eyes. His own voice was suddenly soft and unsure, a little broken and on the edge of crying, ”What happened today, did Minyoung get hurt?“ he couldn’t keep his worry down, head whipping to the little girl now talking to some other kids and finally smiling again. (He hadn’t realized, that a pair of eyes was watching him from the corner, _warmth_ , _happiness_ and so much _love_ for this boy beside him, who he would never let go.)

 

„No, he was acting weird since yesterday and lashed out when he came home today. Started violating my mother and slapping her. I wasn’t able to do something, because Minyoung suddenly cried and screamed and everything. My mom ran away afterwards, she did it always and I couldn’t blame her or be mad for leaving us alone. She probably knew Minyoung was save beside me. I won’t let him hurt her again.“ Yeah, things made a lot more sense now. Wonhos whole personality in college; cold towards everyone and introverted. His sudden mood drops; sadness, concern and anger covering his eyes. Something just 'clicked' in his head.

 

”I thought about moving out so many times. I work part-time and get money from my parents monthly on my bank account. It stacked over the years and I only spent a lot on my tattoos, but other than that, I could easily afford moving out and renting something for myself. But I just can’t. I can’t leave them alone with him. And if I could, I would just take Minyoung with me and leave them behind, she shouldn’t live in a broken family like this. _Fuck_!- _there_ , my dramatic life story, which millions of people probably share.“ It broke Changkyun’s heart, how vulnerable the older looked, bitterness and anger shimmering in the brown orbs. ”You’re wrong, just because millions of families may share the same problems, doesn’t make yours less important, alright? And you are so fucking strong to protect them and do everything you possibly can, don’t tell yourself something else. You’re a good brother. And a good son.“

 

  
Wonho started crying. Just like that.

Changkyun sat beside him, rubbing soothing circles into his hand.

 

  
”Also, you know my address. Both of you can always come over if something happens.“

 

Suddenly, lips pressed against his cheek, staying there for a few seconds. Heat rose till his ears and he couldn’t understand, how this simple gesture could make him so flustered. Wonho didn’t lean away, but stayed with his nose pressed against Changkyun’s cheek, rubbing softly at it. Warm breath hit his skin, heart beating uncontrollably and a wonderful shudder running down his spine.

 

 

” _I think I fell in love with you, Changkyun-ah_.“

 

 

He loved his name on Wonhos lips. He also loved this moment. He loved his feelings, doing happy flips and celebration dances. He loved the tiny fireworks exploding in him.

 

 _Fuck_ \- his head was spinning and it’s hard to take breaths, but he was grinning anyways. Wide and honest, almost hurting.

 

Because _yeah_ , it was sudden and unexpected, a little rushed and out of nowhere, but it was exactly _them_. In his eyes, it was pure perfection. Made him smile even brighter.

 

 

”Well, _I might like you a little myself_.“

 

 

Wonho chuckled lightly against his cheek, amused and mocking.

 

And without a warning, Changkyun’s face got turned to the side and warm lips were pressed against his in a sweet kiss. Slow and soft, full of feelings best expressed like this. Changkyun didn’t give a fuck about being in public. _Fuck them_ , only Wonho mattered. Only his perfect shaped lips, biting lightly into his lower one and successfully shutting his eyes.

 

  
He didn’t care if he was losing himself in Wonho.

Wonho was losing himself in Changkyun.

 

It was alright.

 

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

 

  
” _Fuck_..“

 

Changkyun was breathless and couldn’t stop panting. Hoseok smirked smugly, claiming Changkyun’s swollen lips again and pressing him harder against the wall in his room. Grabbing the younger under his knees, latter understood in his dazed mind the message and jumped, immediately clasping Hoseoks hips with them. Changkyun couldn’t suppress the desperate moan, as their groins met. His fingers lost themselves in soft hair, pulling onto the strands and bathing in the sinful noises emitted by the older. Strong hands gripped his ass, kneading it and pressing their clothed crotches closer. (At this point, he forgot how they even came to this situation. It started as meeting here at Changkyun’s apartment to watch some movies together, because Jooheon was away and they used it. And somewhere around the second one, they started making out and going to his room. Their shirts disappearing in the process. Fuck, he really didn’t care, this was awesome.)

 

  
A tongue invaded his mouth and happily Changkyun accepted the strong muscle, being easily dominated. Left hand wandered down to his neck, nails scratching over the soft skin. He pulled at the lip piercing with his mouth, rolling it before driving back to the addicting pair of lips. Hoseok lifted him from the wall and walked towards the bed, like Changkyun weighed nothing. He let them fall onto the soft matress, still between Changkyun’s legs, straddling him. And kissing with so much passion, that the younger more than once forgot to breath, head spinning and crying for oxygen. But he didn’t care. _He couldn’t_.

 

Lips wandered, leaving his mouth and moving to his jaw, a trail of kisses, continuing to his neck til his shoulder, before coming back and staying in between. Lightly licking over the skin, wrapping his mouth over it and biting softly, sucking and coax out the sweetest gasps from Changkyun. Hoseok really loved it, to mark the younger, leaving as many bruises as he wanted to show the world, _whom_ Changkyun belonged to. And Changkyun loved it. Craved the feeling of being possessed.

 

He winced silently, as teeths bit harder into his soft flesh and pulled at it. Changkyun couldn’t help but arch his back slightly, nails scratching the scalp under his fingers. Hoseok parted away and leaned over him, glassy and lustfully blue orbs scanning his creation, before smirking approvingly. ” _You look so fucking beautiful_.“ His arms were beside Changkyun’s head, steadying his body. One started running through his hair, Hoseoks eyes dreamily watching Changkyun under him. ”I can’t believe you are all mine. _Only mine_.“ Changkyun’s breath got caught, heart beating too fast and filled with longing for the male above him.

 

  
_Yes_ , they belonged to each other and showed it more than once in the past three months, but there was one step left for them. _Only one._

 

  
His hands roamed over the glistening skin, beautifully illuminated by the moon shining through his window. A pure perfection on top of him, that Changkyun could touch as much as he wanted. And Hoseok smiled and let him explore, fingers grazing over the ink on the white skin, such a strong contrast. The dragon tattoo now in full display, and it didn’t matter how often he had seen it by now, he couldn’t get enough. The long body covering Hoseoks left side of the chest, its colors a mesmerizing dark blue and black. Changkyun loved it a lot and Hoseok knew that. Knew that Changkyun loved every tattoo, every picture, every stupidity on his body. Curious hands continued their expedition and wandered south, a breathtaking sight of sculpted abs and even better, feeling the muscles under his fingertips, flexing slightly. Changkyun gulped audibly, still in denial, that this beautiful creature was actually his and on top of him. _His boyfriend_. Only his to touch and love as much as he wanted. One finger followed the path of hair, which disappeared under the black jeans. They have never gone further than making out and sometimes dry humping each other, _in weak moments_.

 

  
But he needed _more_ tonight.

 

_They both needed more._

  
For months, Changkyun saw the desperation and longing in Hoseoks eyes, but hold himself back for the younger. Even now, when their breathing was too fast and hot, coming out in puffs and hitting the other face, eyes filled with want and lust, bodies reacting to every little touch from each other.

 

 _Still_ , Hoseok looked down at him, a silent question flashing through his eyes, which were so soft and loving. His thumb caressed Changkyun’s cheek and a little smile grazed his lips, as the younger hooked the finger into the waistband, slightly pulling at it. Changkyun saw it, Hoseoks silent ' _Are you sure?_ '. And his heart exploded in his chest, the love for this man sometimes too much to handle and he pulled him down by the neck, determination in his eyes as their mouths meet ' _Yes!'_.

 

 

_And it was one of the best decisions he ever made._

  
Because he was gone in this night. His soul probably left at one point, only to come back and made Changkyun feel like _new born_.

 

 

He cried out of euphoria, his mind not able to handle the amount of pleasure given to his body at once. Their hearts, souls, thoughts and bodies melting into on, as strong but sensual thrusts met each other. Skin slapping against skin, lips blindly searching for the other pair. The bed barely handled Hoseoks strong hip thrusts into Changkyun’s ass, which swallowed it greedily. Sinful moans, broken gasps and silent screams in the room. The air around them turning hotter with each passing minute of their heavy breathing. Skin glistening with sweat, salty and smelling of sex. Hands roaming different body parts – _more thrusts, louder moans, names being stuttered, again stronger thrusts_ – and at one point, Changkyun cried out and everything turned white and blue and black. Gasping for air, he swore of losing consciousness for a few seconds, until a heavy body fell onto him, sweaty and soft.

 

_It was pure bliss he felt that night._

 

 

Laying awake, his head rested on Hoseoks right chest, while his fingers caressed the other side. Fascinated by the dragon and the heart beating steadily under his palm – _still pounding faster than normally_. Hoseoks face was buried in his hair, taking deep breaths from time to time and hand caressing his back with soft touches, going up and down. Their legs were tangled and they were still naked, both enjoying the connection without clothes in between.

 

Changkyun smiled lightly, as his hand laid flat on the tattoo. ”You know, I wanted to see and touch this tattoos for a long time. It’s ridiculous, having it under my palm now.“ Hoseok hummed amused into his hair, ”For _how_ long exactly?“ he had a teasing undertone, and Changkyun knew, that the truth would push his ego too much. But he loved Hoseok being confident in himself. ”Since the first time I saw it. About one or two months into my freshman year. Kinda crushed on you really hard, _then_ the whole falling in love thing started.“ Hoseok chuckled and pulled his body closer, ”Months, and you didn’t tell me anything. We lost _so_ much time because of you!“ Changkyun hid his face into the strong chest, hitting the older without much strength left and muttered a grumpy ' _Shut up.._ '. The older laughed wholeheartedly, pressing kisses onto Changkyun’s head while mumbling silent ' _Sorry‘s_ '.

 

  
_Who could actually get mad at this walking angel?_

 

Changkyun really wanted to know.

 

  
” _Changkyunie_?“ the younger hummed, breathing in the musky scent on Hoseok skin, not thinking as his lips pressed little kisses there. Hoseok almost giggled afterwards, he muttered a breathless ” _I love you._ “ and made Changkyun hot all over again. He pouted, burying his face deeper into the skin. His voice was quiet and he mumbled, but Hoseok was grinning happily after hearing the sincerity and emotion to Changkyun’s confession.

 

  
” _I love you too_.“

 

 

Their story wasn’t perfect, but it was their own and a long future awaited them.

 

 

Both enjoyed their personal angel by their side.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the first story of my little series is officially done!
> 
> BUT!
> 
> I'm gonna let you decide, if you want an extra chapter to this story. I haven't planned something, so you have to tell me, when their is something you wanna know in detail, or you wanna see their lifes to whatever time, maybe a POV from Hoseok (but you really have to tell me something specific if you want it! And it won't come too soon, more like a sudden surprise! I have new stories to work on :D)
> 
> AND! (I'm sry, this is getting a little long ;_;)
> 
> You can help me with deciding the next story! Plots are made for all of them and if you don't pick, than I'm gonna do it, don't worry. Just wanna give u the chance to decide ^^
> 
> 1\. Barista!Changkyun and Tattooartist!Hoseok (that would me more fluff, no real smut but I.M is cute af and Wonho is hot af)
> 
> 2\. They are neighbors and don't like each other -> from hate to love (Hoseok is a tease and kinda annoying and Kyun is our poor bby, pls help him)
> 
> 3\. Kyun works in a kindergarten and Hoseok is a dad, but his wife died in a car crash and Kyun might help his broken heart (just planned this plot quickly, it would be fluffy and cute and also short) (hopefully)
> 
> 4\. They are normal idols, but Wonho decided for a new tattoo, and a lip piercing didn't sound bad. Kyun tries to be ok, (but he's not) (his boyfriend killed him) (what is life)
> 
> Ok, sry! xD
> 
> These are the options for now, I have a lot more, but listing all of them would be too much so I just chose these for now! So, tell me if u want any of these and feel free to request a story! (Again, tell me the plot more specific and I might consider it!)
> 
> Thx for reading this little story, and I hope we will meet in the next one!<3


	4. Extra (1/3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, it's been a while ^^'
> 
> Don't know if many remember this story or my other Wonkyun but it surprisingly took me some time to write something again. I'm really sorry about that, but I had my last year in school and a few months after I just don't know what to do with myself now that it's over u know? >.> Made me kinda depressed and not able to write something, but here I am, trying my best in case someone still wants to read! :D
> 
> Short information about this chapter, it's the first out of three extra chapters I have planned for this story and this one is a summary from everything in Hoseoks Pov as some requested!^^
> 
> For the ones that maybe wonder about 'Small doses' (another Wonkyun from me), most of the next chapter is done and shloud be up soon! 
> 
> Sry for the longer note, but it's really been a while and I missed writing and sharing my small stories with others who might like it uwu
> 
> Enjoy!

 

_Hoseok hated being weak._

 

_He hated being vulnerable more._

 

_What he hated the most was seeing the people he loved being hurt by the man he should be able to trust the most._

  
_Hoseok didn’t understand in the beginning. He was 16 when his father slapped him for the first time. It wasn’t that big of a deal and Hoseok guessed he probably deserved it for pissing his father off. His dad may be on the more quiet side and mostly kept to himself, but his father wouldn’t hurt him or his family without a proper reason. He loved and cared for them. He wouldn’t be someone bad. Never._

 

  
_He was wrong._

 

  
_Over the months, a lot of things changed in their household. The apartment was filled with empty beer bottles, even though his mother tried to get rid of them as good as possible. His father’s moods got worse and worse over time. Sometimes getting angry at smallest things like speaking too fast or loud. He would come up with the most absurd things, only to have a reason to yell at them. His once happy family was nowhere to be seen anymore and his home turned into a living hell he couldn’t get away from._

_Every time his father hurt him in some way, Hoseok would get mad at himself for being this week. He hated his vulnerability and detested his body for losing against his own father. His 17 year old self saw working out as his only chance to end this hell his family had to bear. Hoseok thought that his father might stop this terror when he realized, that he couldn’t compete against his son. Not once did he think that the man would turn his anger towards his mother or even Minyoung. He would never do that._

 

  
_And again, Hoseok made a mistake believing that._

_He was so fucking naive._

_It was his fault. The two people he cherished the most got hurt because of him. And even after he tried, he couldn’t always protect both of them at the same time._

 

  
_Hoseok hated his father – for hurting the people he loved the most and taking away his ability to trust others. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes again._

_But Hoseok hated himself even more – for not being strong enough to protect those he loved the most. He hated his changing behavior towards everyone, suddenly turning colder and introverted. His closest friends new why and didn’t judge, but he couldn’t help feeling bad. It seemed like everything he did was in some way hurting people close to him._

 

 

_Hoseok hated his life._

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

Now looking back at the past, Hoseok liked to remember the times he noticed Changkyun before their official meeting. Changkyun once asked if Hoseok ever saw this weirdo always watching him, to which he had to laugh – maybe kiss him a little too long and adoringly before answering.

 

And as much as he liked to tell a heartwarming romance about him falling in love with Changkyun the first time he saw the younger, it wouldn’t be the truth – to which Changkyun pouted slightly but accepted without protest. Still, Hoseok did notice Changkyun a few times which surprised the younger. Of course, he jumped onto Hoseoks lap immediately and started to ask about every little detail.

”Aren’t you a little bit too excited about this?“ his arms embraced Changkyun’s waist and his fingers drew imagined patterns where they lay. ”Maybe a tiny bit, but let me enjoy this moment and tell me something! I didn’t do something embarrassing while you saw me, right? Oh, _please_ tell me I wasn’t with Jooheon, I always do dumb stuff when he’s around.“ He hid his face in Hoseoks shoulder, rubbing his nose over the exposed skin and breathing in the musky scent. The older loved watching his boyfriend act like a cute kitten. One hand left his spot on Changkyun’s waist and moved upwards until he reached the soft, brown hair. His fingers combed through it and he was proud to coax out a content sigh from Changkyun.

”Don’t worry, I wouldn’t say that you did any stupid stuff, it was rather cute from what I remember.“ Hoseok smiled to himself, now happy to have some memories to cherish in his heart. He tried to remember all of them as best as possible before recalling, ”The first time I saw you was actually really cute. I guess it was one of your first days at college judging by your lost expression. Jooheon was with you if I remember correctly and you two walked around trying to find something, probably the right building. I recall sitting outside with Hyunwoo under a tree and enjoying the weather, when your giant glasses caught my attention. It looked really funny, but at the same time so cute and adorable. I wanted to pinch your cheeks so bad at that time, and from one second to another you were gone.“ Hoseok smiled, loving the memory so dearly now that Changkyun became one of the most important parts in his life. The younger only whimpered embarrassed over that, mumbling something about ' _hating these stupid glasses and how big they were_ '.

 

”Another time, I actually saw you at the playground under this big tree. I was there with Minyoung and mindlessly looked around when I noticed you. You had the same glasses, that’s why I remembered you immediately. I was curious and wanted to know what you wrote on this little book but decided to observe you for a few minutes. Sounds creepy now that I think about it, but I just wanted to recall your face even when you don’t have your glasses on. You awoke this indefinable curiosity in me and I just did it unintentionally.“ Changkyun laughed shyly, leaving featherlight kisses over Hoseoks skin. The older loved the careful and loving touches to his body and Changkyun knew it.

 

While closing his eyes, he recalled one last detailed memory, the others rather blurred and short. ”There is another one I remember. It’s also the most recent one, I think a few days before we actually met. I had one of my more depressing days because of my father and wasn’t really there, you know? I remember ignoring the voices of my friends and blending out the people around me. My head hurt from acting like I cared, even though that sounds mean, but I couldn’t give any fuck. I was looking around trying to distract myself with something. Really anything. That’s when we suddenly locked eyes together and all of a sudden I felt calm again, as if I found a little peace in this hell I was living.“ Hoseok stopped for a moment when Changkyun sat up straight, looking more than surprised at him, eyes filled with concern and warmth. His heartbeat sped up at the sight and he couldn’t put in words how much he loved this beautiful boy.

”It was one of the most weird occurances I ever had. Honestly, it wasn’t something like ’ _all the problems fell off my shoulders_ ' or ’ _my body relaxing itself out of nowhere_ ' .. it was as if something just ' _clicked_ ‘ and everything made sense, even though I didn’t know what exactly. I just knew that I had to meet you at all costs, and that this peaceful feeling I craved was gone the moment your eyes looked away. My body craved being near you all of a sudden and I had to hold back to not give in. I told myself to wait for the right moment, but it wasn’t easy watching you leave a few seconds later. And then, out of nowhere, we met at the playground..“ Changkyun smiled, hands cupping Hoseoks face and leaning in to kiss him softly. Once. Twice. Thrice.

 

Small _'I love you’s_ exchanged in between and making their bound stronger.

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

The day he actually met Changkyun was memorable in many ways, mostly because of his panicked state when he lost his little sister. Hoseok was on the verge of crying after minutes of searching and not finding her. His head put all these disgusting pictures infront of his eyes which broke his heart. He hated himself once more for making this dumb mistake of leaving an eight year old alone because she asked him to. Which idiot would do something like that – of course, _Hoseok_!

  
It felt like a miracle when a little body crashed into his legs while giggling and calling his name. It took him a few seconds to calm his racing heart and hide the tears ready to run down his cheeks out of pure happiness. Immediately, he crouched down and embraced Minyoung in his arms, holding her for dear life. ”Don’t ever do that again Minyoung-ah! Did you know how worried I was? I thought someone took you with them!“ his voice was mostly calm but with a strong strictness. Usually, he never used that tone on his little sister but this situation was more serious than going too late to bed. ”Are you listening to me? Promise me to never do something like that again. Never leave the place I last saw you, alright?“ he took her small head from his shoulder, so that Hoseok could see her face. Minyoung pouted but nodded her head, mumbling an almost silent ' _I promise_ ’.

 

Hoseok knew he had the weakest heart for his sister and should take the situation more serious, but he just couldn’t for longer than a few minutes. He ended up smiling encouragingly at Minyoung and holding her in his arms while standing up. ”But you shouldn’t have worried, I was with Kyunie the whole time. We sat together on this bench there and waited for you. He was reaaaally nice!“ upon hearing this, Hoseoks first instinct was anger at the man who was with his sister. Who knows what his real intentions were and what would have happened if Hoseok didn’t find his sister at the right time? Without a second thought he walked in the direction Minyoung pointed and saw a seemingly younger man still sitting on the bench. Hoseok knitted his brows and was ready to tell this asshole off, blinded by his protectiveness towards his little sister. ”That’s Kyunie I told you about!“ Hoseok scoffed slightly at the stupid name he dared to give Minyoung. Instead of seeing his face, this ' _Kyunie_ ' bowed first thing after hearing Minyoung.

”I’m Lim Changkyun, I found her crying a few minutes ago and stayed to be sure nothing happened to her.“ Hoseok was a bit surprised over the deep voice and the suddenly familiar face when the other straightened up again. He couldn’t hide his amused smile over the coincidence of meeting the beauty he saw a few days ago. Hoseok didn’t see him for the last few days, only to have him suddenly stand infront of him now. And he saw the sudden realisation in the others eyes. He thanked Changkyun for looking after his sister and loved the sight of the other, stuttering a little while explaining himself and seeming nervous every time their eyes met. It awoke something unknown in Hoseok, something he couldn’t really explain but didn’t want to let go at the same time. Like he suddenly needed Changkyun near him, no matter what. Didn’t want to leave the other now that Hoseok found him.

It was so confusing and unexplainable what was going through his head and body, but at the same time he loved this feeling. Loved what Changkyun probably unknowingly did to him.

 

  
He also loved and cherished this whole day.

 

Hoseok could have kissed his sister for making Changkyun stay with them. It felt so right and relaxing walking beside the younger, just enjoying his presence. He bathed in the flustered but thankful expression from Changkyun after Hoseok bought their snacks – he wanted to travel to all the different countries and buy everything Changkyun wanted, only to see that expression again and again.

He adored his sister and Changkyun interacting with one another and also seeming so comfortable. For a slight moment, it felt like Changkyun was his husband of years, while they enjoyed walking around with their daughter. And this thought may seem more than creepy – had they met barely an hour ago – but somehow it also felt like this picture was meant to happen.

 

_Someday_.

  
He found out more about Changkyun and locked every information into his heart. Hoseok wanted to know more, wanted to find out every single detail about Changkyun’s life but had to hold back. He didn’t want to scare the younger off. There was enough time, Hoseok was somehow sure of that.

 

When they had to separate, he felt as devastated as his sister but tried to hide it. Hoseok didn’t want to leave Changkyun. He wanted to stay and talk for hours while looking into these soft, brown orbs. Listen to his melodic voice talk so vividly about his rapping and all his friends. Still, Hoseok was satisfied with the thought, that they exchanged numbers and he could safe his name as ' _Changkyunie_ ‘ – he may or may not even put a heart at the end.

 

 

While carrying his sleeping sister back home he couldn’t wipe off the bright smile on his face. This day was probably one of the best he had in this year. Hopefully, he could meet Changkyun as soon as possible but he should wait for some time or the younger will see him as some creep.

His thoughts were forgotten for a moment when Minyoung moved in his arms. She turned her face in Hoseoks direction, yawning silently and rubbing her tired eyes. Hoseok couldn’t even describe how precious this sight alone was, ”Sorry, did I wake you up? I’m gonna walk slower so you can sleep.“ She shook her head then mumbled, ”Did you also like Changkyun as much as I did? He was really nice, right? Can we please see him more often?“ Hoseoks smile turned softer and he kissed her forehead while humming approvingly. ”Yeah, I liked him too. I’m sure we can meet a few more times.“

  
With a tired smile his sister nodded and fell back asleep.

  
Hoseok walked a little slower to not wake her up again, enjoying the soft breeze surrounding him.

 

  
_His only thought while smiling to himself, that he probably fell in love with Changkyun_.

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

It took a whole week to see Changkyun again after their first meeting.

  
Minyoung got sick the next day and Hoseok decided to stay with her. Immediately, he called Hyunwoo and informed him about the situation. Hoseok had to make sure his absence wouldn’t be too bad and Hyunwoo was always ready to help him with the stuff he missed. Sadly, it was a rather normal situation as well as for his sister to easily get sick because of her weak immune system. They went to the doctor as usual and could go home a few hours later with a lot medicine. Minyoung grimaced at the bag in Hoseoks hand and the older smiled at that. His sister hated being sick and taking any medicine. She was too hyper and giddy to lay in bed and do nothing until she’s healthy again.

In times like this it was usually his duty to look after Minyoung. His mother started working again about two years ago and couldn’t take care of Minyoung. And his father didn’t for obvious reasons. They all tried to avoid the man as good as they could.

 

And just like this, his week almost flew by with him spending time with his sister, reading her stories out of books she liked, made her hot chicken soups and lay in bed with her. Hoseok was relieved to see her getting better in the beginning of the weekend and being fit by the end of it.

  
It was refreshing to be back in school and away from his home. He hated spending too much time there and enjoyed being out again. Also, he was happy to see his usual group of friends already waiting for him. Even though he rarely showed it. Hyunwoo and Hyungwon were like family for him and knew him better than anyone else. They didn’t mind his non-existent showcase of emotions in public. Why should he display his true self to people who didn’t really care about him? They liked _Wonho_ for his looks and attitude, even though they didn’t know the real Hoseok.

  
He ignored all the eyes on him after his arrival. Their attention didn’t mean anything to him. He greeted his friends and was already tired of the eyes watching his every move. ”She alright?“ it was Hyunwoo, always worried about their little princess, ”You know her, nothing could take her down. She’s strong.“ The other nodded, a fond smile grazing his lips and patted Hoseok on the shoulder.

Mindlessly looking around, his eyes caught a glimpse of brown hair he was familiar with. His heart started racing all of a sudden, even though he wasn’t sure that it was actually Changkyun. But still, the mere thought of finally seeing the other again after a whole week was breathtaking. Was it really possible for him to fall in love so quickly? Was he that naive or could it be fate showing him the love of his life? Hoseok didn’t really care. All he knew was, that this boy awoke feelings in him, whose existence Hoseok wasn’t even aware of. It had to mean something, right?

 

But something felt off over the week he was back.

Different than usual, Hoseok actually paid attention to his surrounding in hopes to get a glimpse of Changkyun. _But nothing_. Didn’t matter where Hoseok was, he always made sure to look around for a few minutes, but it felt like Changkyun was completely gone. His mood dropped every time a little more when he couldn’t find the younger. It was even weirder finding Changkyun’s usual group of friends but not seeing the man himself. It was slowly getting on his nerves. His heart ached to at least see the other but that wish was not fulfilled. Still, it wasn’t his right to be mad at that. He didn’t know what was going on and it could be possible, that Changkyun was ill like his sister last week. Hoseok hoped that the younger was alright.

  
The week went by until it was Friday without him seeing Changkyun. At least he had enough school work to concentrate on after missing a whole week. It wasn’t easy to catch up but Hoseok was pretty happy with himself. But to make sure he understood everything, he would go to Hyunwoo after school. And Hyungwon decided to tag along after hearing their plans – which would end up in him sleeping on Hyunwoos bed. Hoseok was happy to spend some time with them without the suffocating school wall and the eyes of strangers watching his every move. He was happy to finally leave.

  
”Do you have chocolate at your place? I’ve craved for it since this _morning_. Please tell me you have some..“ Hoseok could picture Hyunwoo rolling his eyes at Hyungwon's question and had to smile a little. ”You’re the biggest scrounger I know Won-ah.. And yes I do, as long as you don’t turn into a diva.“ Scandalized, Hyungwon drew a breath of air, “I never turn into a diva!“ Hyunwoo only shrugged with a teasing smile on his lips which provoked Hyungwon even more. It was a stupid idea to choose the place in between them while walking through the corridors. All these years of friendship didn’t teach him anything it seemed..

“We could buy something to eat on our way, I don’t know if I have-“ For a moment he didn’t listen to Hyunwoo's voice as he looked up and saw a figure he expected the last. And for a few seconds Hoseok wasn’t even sure if that was actually Changkyun standing with his friends by the lockers, or he simply started to hallucinate. Which wouldn’t surprise him that much did his feelings for the other slowly turn into a obsession. It wasn’t _that_ bad .. but after only one meeting between them it probably wasn’t that normal either.

 

Call him cheesey and unrealistic but it actually felt like his surroundings moved in slow motion while their eyes met. Hoseok was sure after one moment, that these feelings couldn’t be brought up by a stupid hallucination. It had to be real. After a fucking week of waiting and craving was he finally able to see him again. Lose himself in the beautiful brown orbs which widened slightly and turned unsure – Hoseok couldn’t tell why. He enjoyed the warmth going through his whole body, leaving him slightly giddy and happy. Also, he was more than relieved to know that Changkyun was alright and nothing happened to him.

 

Hoseok wasn’t even thinking about it when his body started working automatically and smiled while waving at the younger. Changkyun seemed surprised by the action but returned it happily after a second. It made Hoseoks heart flutter even more and his legs weak. It was worth waiting this whole week.

So lost in his feelings he failed to notice the surprised looks he was given by both friend groups. As to why he was shocked when Hyungwon and Hyunwoo started bombarding him with questions, but never giving enough time to let him answer anything. Only when they left school grounds he silenced them. ”Please shut up for one second, both of you. How about continuing our day as planned and afterwards you can have all the answers you want, deal?“ They didn’t look as happy about Hoseoks suggestion but agreed nonetheless. He could already feel a headache forming itself at his temple only thinking about the next few hours.

He was still thankful that his friends respected his request and completely changed the subject. On their way they also bought food and Hoseoks stomach was really happy about that. After arriving at Hyunwoos, it was almost too suspicious that none of the two mentioned Changkyun again. He felt their curious stares but no one asked anything. On one hand it was a relief, but on the other Hoseok died to tell his friends about Changkyun.

They decided to eat first before learning. Everything went well and the three of them were chattering lightly about trivial things. It was obvious what they actually wanted to talk about but Hoseok needed to be at least a little productive for today. And he knew, once he started talking about the boy he might be in love with, there would be no end. So he bit his tongue and endured the conversations.

 

A few hours passed and Hoseok was more than proud with his work. He almost caught up with every lesson he missed and understood most of it thanks to Hyunwoo, who patiently explained everything to him. It was not the first time and Hoseok couldn’t be more thankful to have someone as caring as Hyunwoo in his life. Hyungwon wasn’t that much of a help, but he amused both of them so that no one died out of boredom. But now they were done and exhausted.

Hyunwoo exhaled loudly while falling to the side, lying on the floor on his back. Hyungwon occupied the bed the whole time they were learning by the table in the middle of Hyunwoos room. He laughed at Hyunwoo while eating his choclet bar, more than happy to enjoy them suffer. Hoseok smiled while watching both of them. His mind relaxed for the first time in the last few hours. While leaning back on his hands, his thoughts automatically drifted to Changkyun and his smile got even wider. His soft, brown hair. His dark, choclet-like eyes that held so much expression. His deep voice that gets adorable when he was nervous. His cute smile.

  
_Everything_.

  
And he only scratched the surface of that. There is so much more that Hoseok needed to know about. He wanted to know about all the little details Changkyun could give him. His favorite song, food, smell, colour, to every tick he might have. Everything about the boy will be important to Hoseok. It felt somehow crazy how intensely he was feeling about Changkyun. He has never experienced something that could be compared to the emotions he felt for that boy. Maybe he was actually going crazy for him?

 

“You know … I think I’m in love with Changkyun..., no wait, I’m pretty sure by now. I am actually in love with him.“ Saying it out loud was refreshing. Hoseok kept smiling and could feel the eyes of his friends on him, probably looking shocked and confused. He couldn’t blame them, in all these years he didn’t show any interest in anyone that could be seen as romantically. He never spoke about love, except while talking about his mother and sister. His expectations were confirmed when he looked at both of them, amused by their expressions. Both were now sitting and every bit of tiredness was suddenly gone.

  
“Wait wait wait, love? Like .. ' _love_ ' love? When did that even happen??“ Hyungwon was clearly more shocked than anything. He was about to answer him when Hyunwoo injected, “And Changkyun? Just to make it clear, that was the boy you waved at in the hallway right? Wait, are you two _together_? You didn’t think it would be nice to tell us about that?“ there was a hint of betrayal in his voice and Hoseok couldn’t hold the laugh back that wanted to come out. ”Relax, both of you. Yes, Changkyun is the guy from the hallways and yeah, I think I really am in love with him. At least I can‘t describe the feelings as something else.“ He couldn’t wipe of the dreamy smile on his face as images of the other boy floated his mind. ”But _how_? You never mentioned him to us, and now out of nowhere you are in love with him? You never even showed interest in someone particular.“ Hyungwon looked like his world was turned upside down and it shouldn’t amuse him as much as it did. Hyunwoo chose to silently observe him.

 

”Well, I know it sounds dumb but it kind of just happened, and- Hyungwon shut up let me explain!“ the other immediately closed his mouth, probably about to protest and get more information. ”I met him at this park I go to with Minyoung. She disappeared suddenly and I found her with him. After Minyoung persisted, we spent the day together and something about his presence just felt right. It was weird, especially now. We haven’t talked since then, mostly because I was busy with Minyoung. But even after coming back it seemed like he avoided me like a pledge. Today was the first time I actually saw him since then and it felt like I could finally breath again. I don’t know, it sounds cheesy and over the top, but he really sparks these confusing feelings in me. Maybe it is too early to say, but I can’t describe them as something else then love. Well, that’s it I guess..“ his friends looked more than shocked the first few seconds he was done talking. Hoseok watched them nervously, not sure how to pinpoint the reaction and waited patiently. Hyungwon was the first one to brake the silence and stood up only to tackle him down while laughing.

”Dude, I’m so proud! Finally someone who got to your heart bro! That I am able to witness this day, holy shit.“ His hair was being tousled and Hoseok held back to join Hyungwons happy laughter. ”Hyungwon, please don’t kill our Romeo, his Juliet would be very sad.“ Hyungwon was laughing even harder at that, ”Very funny grandpa.“ Hyunwoo rolled his eyes at the name his friends always teased him with but couldn’t hide the amused smile. They calmed down after a few minutes, Hyungwon still smiling like an idiot, as well as Hoseok. Hyunwoo cleared his throat and both of them watched him with curiosity, ”I’m happy that you found someone you like and you have the support of both of us, just promise me that you won’t go blindly into this. Changkyun seemed a little unsure when we saw him and he might be not ready for a same sex relationship, you know how our society reacts to that. I just want you to be careful and not get your heart broken, you know?“ Hoseok smiled at that, leave it to Hyunwoo to be the overly protective parent. ”Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m gonna show him how genuine my feelings are with time and if it’s only one sided I have to accept that, but not without a fight of course.“

”That’s my man!“ he exchanged a high five with Hyungwon, while Hyunwoo nodded in acceptance. The conversation went better than expected and it made him realize one more thing. Hoseok was happy to have friends like them at his side and loved them more than anything. And this moment showed him, that he could also trust them with anything.

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

  
_Did he make a mistake?_

 

It felt so right in the moment that he didn’t feel like it. But at the same time he felt Changkyun tensing up in his arms while they kissed, some kind of fear surrounding him. And as much as Hoseok wanted their kiss to last a little time longer, he decided to let the younger go. He didn’t dare to open his eyes and watch Changkyun go, Hoseok knew he wouldn’t have the strength to watch the other leave. The warmth surrounding him only a few seconds ago disappeared slowly and with a soft 'click' of the door closing he knew, that Changkyun actually left.

Hoseok opened his eyes and looked down, watching his bruised hands making fists. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so sad and disappointed, his heart aching painfully behind his ribcage. Exhaling a shuddered sigh, Hoseok dared to look around for a moment, only to have his last hope of Changkyun standing somewhere and smiling crushed.

 

He was a real idiot. What was he expecting? That Changkyun would happily run into his arms after he saw Hoseok that bruised up because of this stupid fight? After Hoseok snapped at Changkyun, who only wanted to help him and be nice. And then he even dared to kiss the younger out of nowhere! He couldn’t imagine how Changkyun must feel right know, but probably more than confused and also mad at him. He had all right for that.

 

“The two of you could play in a romantical-drama, this scene had potential.“ So lost in his thoughts, he flinched after hearing Hyunwoos voice, still raspy from either sleep or their fight some time ago. He got a few good kicks to his stomach and one even punched him against the throat. Hoseok looked over his shoulder and saw Hyunwoo still laying in his bed, eyes open and watching him while one bandaged arm is under his head used as pillow. The older was bruised and looked like all the energy was drained out of him. Hoseok would have pitied him, but his comment was really the last thing he needed right now.

“Very funny, how about shutting up and sleeping for a few more hours.“ With that he looked away from his best friend and decided to lie down himself. As expected, Hyunwoo didn’t take his words the wrong way and just laughed it off quietly. Hoseok would apologize for his mood and behavior later on, but for now he couldn’t control his mixed up emotions, “Are you mad at him for actually leaving after you told him to?“ Hoseok furrowed his brows in confusion, “No, maybe a little sad but not mad.“ Which was true, maybe just a little bit more than sad.

“Then, what is it? You look like you’ll destroy this room any second dude, you should calm down.“ Only now did Hoseok notice his heavy breathing, as well as his hands still clenched in fists. He listened to his friend and tried taking in deep breathes, unclenching his fists and calming himself down a little. Hoseok tried to put the things and feelings he wanted to say into words, but had to think how to explain them to his friend. A few minutes of silence engulfed them, but Hyunwoo wasn’t complaining and probably waited patiently like always.

 

“It’s just .. I literally _forced_ the kid to kiss me Hyun-ah, and I snapped at him for no reason at all. I was a complete asshole towards him while all he did was help me. I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at myself for treating him like this.“ His voice was filled with regret and exhaustion. Hoseok looked to his left while speaking, watching Hyunwoos reaction. The older on the other hand was in the same position as before, but his face was turned towards the ceiling. ”Yeah, that’s kind of true, I can’t lay here and say it was alright what you did. But I wouldn’t say that you forced yourself upon him. If that was the case, he would have rejected you much earlier Hoseok. I think the kid was just overwhelmed with emotions and didn’t see another way but to run away in that moment.“ Hyunwoo was so calm while talking. Hoseok watched him closely to see if his friend expressed his true thoughts or was just trying to comfort him. Which wasn’t really necessary, Hyunwoo always expressed his honest thoughts without sugarcoating anything.

 

”Maybe you are right, or maybe he was so shocked that he couldn’t react immediately..“ he sighed and rubbed his face with both hands, only to wince a few seconds later because of the bruises. He already forgot about them. ”Look Hoseok, I’m not gonna act like I know how Changkyun is feeling right now and what his reasons were for running away, you could be right.“ Hoseok bit his bottom lip, causing a cut to open up again. It hurt a little and he could taste the disgustingly bitter blood in his mouth. Sometimes he also hated Hyunwoo for being that honest. ”But, it could also be what I said. What I’m trying to say is, don’t jump into assumptions if you don’t know the truth yet. Give him some time and maybe even distance yourself a little. Changkyun needs to think right now and if you think it’s the right time, reach out to him again. Don’t cut him out of your life because of one mistake like you usually do. The kid likes you, this would not only hurt you but also him.“ Hoseok looked up from behind his hands, disbelief clearly written all over his face. After some seconds of silence Hyunwoo turned towards him and laughed at the face he was making.

”Come on, even a blind person could see how much the kid adores you Hoseok. Every time he sees you, it’s like he witnessed an angel appear right in front of him. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed over the last week or two?“ Hyunwoo seemed really amused by the situation. That made at least one of them. Hoseok just snorted in disbelief, ”Not really, he is just too nice for his own sake, that’s all. But yeah, I guess there is no other choice but to give him some time and hope for the best. I really don’t wanna lose him..“ Hyunwoo kept silent for a few seconds, letting out a little sigh, ”I know, it’s gonna be alright.“

 

_He really hoped so._

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

  
Hoseok felt miserable while avoiding Changkyun. It was obvious that the younger did the same, and that made it even more painful. Every now and then he caught a glimpse of Changkyun and every time it felt like he could finally breath again. Hoseok was probably overdramatic again, but it actually felt like drowning underwater when he didn’t know how Changkyun was and seeing him talking happily to his friends reassured him enough to finally emerge from underwater and gasp for air. He couldn’t even keep track of time how long he felt like this. His friends slowly worried more and more but couldn’t do anything to brighten his mood. He declined every suggestion of partying, movie nights, drinking or just going out. Hoseok felt bad but he knew going out wouldn’t change anything in his situation and he would only put everyone else in a bad mood.

 

This continued for about a week until his little angel Minyoung came into the picture. Since Changkyun and him didn’t talk anymore, his sister constantly asked about the boy. Begging him to invite Changkyun over or to meet him at least at the playground. Everytime he felt bad for declining her wish because it wasn’t the right time. He was lucky that he always found something else to distract Minyoung and also made her happy, nonetheless he saw how much she missed Changkyun. In more ways than he liked to admit, it warmed his heart how much his little sister adored the boy, but in a situation like this it made things even worse for him.

 

It wasn’t until Sunday that Hoseok finally gave up to Minyoungs constant begging to meet Changkyun and promised her to meet him at the playground. He thought about how to ask the younger and was about 90% sure that Changkyun wouldn’t agree, but he hoped for the best. It was unusual for him to break into a nervous sweat the moment he texted the younger who, to his surprise, even wrote back. Still, it felt nice. Just writing, he missed talking to the younger who seemed to understand and see him in a way no one else did.

  
And Changkyun agreed to meet them.

He _agreed_..

Hoseok was shocked for a few seconds and could only stare in disbelief at his screen.

 

  
_Changkyunie <3_:

(16:15) On my way

  
As much as Hoseok wanted to, he couldn’t suppress the wide smile painting his face at the text and the way his heart raced almost painfully in his chest. It became even worse when he told Minyoung the good news and the little girl shrieked out of happiness. And his feelings reached a maximum when they actually met Changkyun at the playground, the younger looking as beautiful as ever and smiling widely at his sister. Hoseok felt pure happiness in that moment and wished he could pull the younger in a crushing hug like his sister did. But he wasn’t complaining, he was more than satisfied to finally stand face to face again and not constantly avoid each other. Hoseok could see that the younger was uncomfortable as his sister pulled Changkyun towards him. Their greeting was a little awkward, but when Changkyun gave him his breathtaking smile and told him to not worry about the ’next time‘, Hoseok could swear his heart stopped beating for a moment.

  
_Next time_.

  
His head was filled with these words, sounding like a promise that this meeting wasn’t a one time thing. That maybe things weren’t over between them like Hoseok thought.

  
The day together with Changkyun and his sister felt like a dream for him, so perfectly sureal that he was actually afraid to wake up any moment. The two of them finally talked again, he watched his sister and Changkyun having fun on the playground, even when both of them teamed up against him to make little jokes, it was everything Hoseok needed in life.

It felt like with this day, the two of them could start where they left off. Hoseok didn’t even care that the kiss wasn’t mentioned once and he shouldn’t have too high hopes, but in that moment he was happy to have Changkyun by his side again.

 

 

  
*~*~*~*

 

 

  
And he didn’t regret one second of it. Not once in the following weeks. Letting Changkyun into his life was probably the best decision he ever made.

  
Hoseok enjoyed every smile the younger threw at him every time their eyes met. It was beautiful to see how closer and closer he and Minyoung became with every little meeting. He felt like his heart might explode when they finally kissed again and it just seemed so right that Hoseok couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He adored every little kiss they shared afterwards and the dates they had. His hands loved touching every little centimeter of the soft skin and hearing the angelic sounds coming from Changkyun as he did.

But most of all he loved sharing the bad side of his life and showing himself vulnerable infront of the younger while talking about his father. Everything inside of him was against talking about this topic or present himself this hurt. It felt wrong and he was so sure that Changkyun would leave him any moment because Hoseok was being dramatic in his eyes, but he didn’t. _He stayed_. He comforted him. _He was staying by Hoseoks side_.

  
Hoseok was sure in that moment, he was so deeply and stupidly in love with Changkyun and he would do anything to keep the younger by his side until the day he died.

 

 

_He found his angel and wouldn’t let him go._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff, I hope u had fun!
> 
> Firstly, just a quick apology for any mistakes that might be in the chapter. I reread it about six times and always found something to correct or parts that I didn't like, but if I go on like this the chapter would never be posted xD the struggle of not having a beta reader xD I always said, that I'm really open to any criticism because it can only help me to improve my writing, so please tell me if something seems wrong! And tell me about any mistakes so I can correct it as soon as possible! 
> 
> Now that that's out of the way, again, I hope u liked the chapter even tho there wasn't much new plot added (it will change in the next chapter, don't worry). I'm gonna try my best to upload as soon as possible, but I can't say myself when that might be o.o
> 
> But I wanna give a big thank u for all the comments but also the kudos given, months after my last update! It was a big motivation to write again, so thanks a lot! 
> 
> Until next time!<3

**Author's Note:**

> U know, my intention was to write a one shot with about 5000 words and now my first part surpassed that already (doesn't matter if german or english, this habit stays)
> 
> But yeah, hope it was ok until know I really have no idea how it is. And I was always insecure with my writings.
> 
> I'm doing the second part right now, if you found major mistakes please tell me and I can also prevent them from happening in the next part n.n
> 
> See ya^^


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